Troublesome dont cut it anymore, Idiot
by COTk-MC
Summary: Sequal to Troublesome. About Hidans and Deidara's disfunctional relationship. And the many many thing them and the Akatsuki go through... There will also be some lemons in the future.. Once in a while.
1. PMS

COTK: Sequal to Troublesome yall!

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Troublesome cut it, dumbass. 

Ch1 PMS

Deidara stomped out of his room and into the living room, where Hidan was. He was fumming about something you will soon find out later on.

Hidan looked up and smirked at him as he stood there breathing hard and glaring icy cold daggers at the white haired man.

"What can I do you for?" Hidans smirk grew as Deidara's breathing became labored and he glared harder.

"H-Hidan.. You... You. You... HIDAN YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hidans smirk dicipated into a ever growing frown, as he, too, started glaring at the other in the room. Deidara held something in his hand as Hidan sat up straight from his laying on the bed position.

"What...did you call me?" Hidan growled deeply while getting off the bed.

"I called you a dumbass, yeah..." Deidara growled just as low.

"Deidara..." Deidara's gaze followed Hidan's movements as he made his furious way to him.

"What?!"

"What have I told you about calling me that?..."

"Shut the fuck up, yeah!"

"Aw... PMSing are we now?... How cute..." Hidan smiled, leaning his face close to Deidara's. Deidara only glared harder and moved away from him. "Whats a matter? Not happy to see me?"

"Fucking pissed to see you! You fucking cock sucking mother fucker!!!" Deidara swore in a way that literally made Hidan proud to be his mating buddy.

"Phew! Such a naughty mouth. Gonna have to see if we can put it to better use, ne?" Hidan smiled and pulled Deidara in the room, closing and locking the door.

"What?! Let the fuck go of me you homosexual bastard, yeah!!!" The blonde crossed his arms in somewhat of an angry stance, giving the Jashin-worshiper a peircing, lone blue eye as though it was actually suppose to have some effect on him. Unfortunately for the said Akatsuki blond, Hidan had been with a partner who glared worse at him, so being a stubborn one that he was, he smirked and held on tighter, turning him around so Deidara's other arm had to hold on to his shoulder for balance. At this opprotunity, Hidan placed his hand on Deidara's hip bone, running his thumb over it, smirking softly over him.

"Ah, touche', Dei-chan," he purred, lowering his head to the other's ear, making Deidara blush angerly for loosing the dominace so quickly, and for Hidan's cheeky state. Hidan had to get what was coming to him for what he did!

Immediately after that had been said, Deidara unlatched his arm from Hidan's shoulder, glowering daggers from hell and back at him, and he yanked his wrist free. "Don't you dare pass on by like nothing had happened, dumbass, yeah! You ruined my clay, _my art_, for your stupid sacrifices! Why in the hell did you even use a ritual with clay, yeah!?"

Hidan cocked his head to the side as though this wasn't any importance to him, and just chuckled. "I wanted to see if I could use a substitue if all I have is fucking you around." His face became blank just then, wait, not just blank, but the stupidified look that came along with it. Deidara's had noticed this, and the statement he had said, his own face becoming full of disgust.

"You used my art for that, too, yeah! God, Hidan! Go to hell, yeah!" And he stormed to the door. Hidan was confused by the gesture.

He was thinking long and hard abouth what he had said. Then his eyes got wide, and he followed Deidara to try and explain what he meant.

But of corse he himself didnt know what he meant so it was going to be sorta hard. He turned a corner with a hallway going both to the right and the left. He looked to the left and saw blonde hair turn the corner.

_He's going to the basement to blow shit up... _Hidan smirked and darted to off to the left and finally caught up with him. Placing his hands on his shoulders, he turned Deidara around. Deidara returned the notion with a devious glare and a 'Hmph', looking away from him and closing his eyes.

"What do you want, clay fucker, yeah?..."

"To explain what I meant." Deidara opened one eye and looked at him, still glaring though.

"Okay... Explain away, yeah. What did you mean by' I wanted to see if I could use a substitue if all I have is fucking you around'? " Deidara asked, giving Hidan his full attention and a 'tell me now, fucker' look.

Hidan cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"I meant..." He darted his eyes back and forth. _Holy fuck. What do I mean?_ "Uh..."

"Im waiting Hidan, un..." Deidara tapped his foot, reminding Hidan of a mad house wife. He had to surpress a snigger for that, which made Deidara all the most suspicious. "Welll...!?" Hidan's brain finally signed on, and he tried to remember. Oh yeah, now he remembered.

"Exactly the same way you said before! I was scuplting them into people and trying if they'd work the same as a sacrifice, 'cause when I'm just stuck here with you, I can't really just go out and randomly attack people. And it just so happens I used my favorite word at an inconvientiant time. Happy now?!" Hidan snapped.

"Dont get an additude with me, un..." Hidan growled and walked off, back into his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

_And he said I was PMSing, yeah... _Deidara continued walking for the basement. The occasional arguments where a natural part of theirrelationship, wonder when they are going to tell the others.

COTK: Okee dokee! That be chapter ichi for yee. I am going to go and make much less sence of other things I touch and or deal with... Toodles! Ch2 will be out sometime in the near or far future, so dont ask me when.. Cause i have no idea...


	2. Tobis problem

COTK: Sequal to Troublesome yall!

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Troublesome cut it, dumbass. 

Ch2 Tobi's problem

Hidan roughly slammed Deidara against the wall, knocking the air out of the blonde and smirked seductively.

"What do you want Hidan, yeah?" Hidan leaned forward, lightly bitting the lobe of Deidara's ear.

"What do you think?" His right hand slid its way under neath the front of Deidara's pant and wrapped around the blondes member.

"Hidan, stop, yeah." Deidara closed his eyes, moaning slightly as Hidan started pumping him roughly.

"Why? Give me a reason..." And then, as if on que (A/N: I like using that term... It was on QUE mofos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), while Hidan was pullingdown his and Deidara's pants, a blood curdeling scream filled the air.

"That, un..." Hidan looked at him oddly.

"What about it. Screams like that happens all the time in the fucking Akatsuki..."

"It sounded like Tobi, yeah. Maybe hes hurt, yeah..."

"Just forget about it... Im sure he will be fine in no time... He does it often.."

"Leader told me to watch him though, yeah..."

"So the fuck what? Its not like hes going to do anything to one of his favorite members..."

"I still have to obey orders from Leader, yeah!"

"You're just trying to get out of it.. Arent you?..."

"Yes.. I gotta go see if Tobi is getting into to mutch trouble... I will see you later Hidan. And no more using my clay for your rituals, hmph!!!" Deidara yelled.

"Fine! Get the fuck out of my room!" Hidan moved out of the way for Deidara to leave.

"Will do, yeah..." And he did, walking in the direction on the one named Tobi's room, where there was a crowd surroundind the room. Deidara pushed his way through his fellow Akatsukiers and walked through the door way.

He made a funny face at the scene he walked into. Tobi had discarded his mask, concidereing it was only him, Zetsu, and now Deidara in the room. Tears running down his cheeks, and his hand was conviently placed down his boxers.

Zetsu looked back to Deidara as he stood next to him, trying to hold back his laughter at his dimwitted partners situation.

"Tobi... What the hell did you do, yeah!?" Tobi jumped at Deidara's sudden outburst, resulting in a loud yelp and cringe.

"Hi senpai!!!" Tobi squeeled.

"What did he do this time Zetsu, yeah?" Zetsu looked back at Tobi with an odd look on his face.

"He seemed to have glued himself to... Himself..." Deidara blinked.

"To himself, yeah?..." When Zetsu nodded slowly, Deidara burted into a laughing fit. Almost falling onto the floor, if it hadnt been for Zetsu and his shoulders support.

"Hey!!! Its not funny Senpai!!!!" Tobi stood up fast, forgetting everything about his current problems. Yes. I said broblems...

COTK: BYE!!!


	3. Feminine Features of the Manly apearance

COTK (who is also secretly NMS): Chapter 3, here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xD

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**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 3: Feminine Features of the Manly Appearance

Deidara, after his howling rage of laughter, had finally calmed down and looked to Zetsu seriously as he could seeing how the situation was so funny.

"How did this happen, yeah?" he asked. Zetsu gave a quick glance to Tobi before answering him, his nicer, more human tone coming out from his mouth.

"Tobi was in the process of...masturbating...when he decided to dare himself to see if super glue worked as well as lubericant."

Tobi's head shot up from looking at himself to them, more spesifcily Zetsu. "I didn't dare myself to do this! It's not my fault!" Deidara , who had looked back at the boy since his head motion, couldn't help put let out another round of laughter since Tobi's position seemed to be his own problem. The said boy had gotten angry at the laughing.

"I'm serious! Itachi's the one who dared me to!" Zetsu had a perplexed look on his face, raising his chin a little higher to be looking at the young Akatsuki member in a different view. And when he opened his mouth, both Deidara and Tobi knew they were going to be greeted with the opposite side of his tones: the harsher one.

"Really, now? I can't see him saying such a thing..." he said.

"He did, I tell you, he really did!" Tobi would've flung both of his arms about if one of them hadn't been glued to his cock, which resolted him crying out in pain and doubling over somewhat. He looked back up at them with pained, woeful expression before continuing, "...And I quote 'Tobi, you're being annoying. Go be stupid elsewhere. How about you glue your hand to your dick?' unquote."

Deidara sighed and started heading towards the door again, semi-glad to see there was no permenant damages besides being scarred for life. "Just run it under hot water and soap, yeah, that should take care of the problem, hm." And he left.

In the way to the kitchen he sat down on a chair in front of the round table that was placed in the middle of the room. Soon after, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Kisame walked into the room as well.

"You ever find out what was wrong with Tobi, yet?" Hidan asked, sitting next to the blond. Kakuzu sat next to him and Kisame and Itachi where on the other side of him. Deidara nodded slowly.

"He glued himself to his penis, yeah." Itachi made a semi-amused face that only Deidara caught sight of. "He claims it to be a dare made by Itachi, yeah..." All looked at Itachi, who at the moment his name was said, was taking a drink out of the coffee he had just got. Taking in his moment of somewhat non existant suprise, he shrugged.

"I didn't expect that he was that big of an idiot to actually do it..." Itachi stated bluntly, turning a blind ear to the group in the room when they started talking again, having thought he had said enough.

Deidara felt the lavender eyes of Hidan on him ever so often, causing him to fidget with his tuna sandwich he had made, picking the crust off.

Kisame and Kakuzu looked back and forth between the two of the with curious glances, well Kisame's was visibly curious you couldnt tell what Kakuzu's was, wanting to know why Hidan had 'that' glint in his eyes and why Deidara was 1. avoiding eye contact, 2. why he was figiting nervously, and 3. why he was starting to blush madly.

They where almost ready to say something about both of their behavior, but decided against it when they remembered Itachi was in the room, and Itachi normally wouldnt care, but... It was Itachi. They didnt have any thing against the terrifying Uchiha be would find out a possible weakness of theirs. And thats just what the orginization needed. Two new members that they had to get used to... I dont think so.

Deidara's entire body twitched as Hidan placed his hand on his thigh and started rubbing slowly. No doubt Hidan still wanted to, here. The Jashin-worshiper was firm in his touches, but gentle all the same, making clear actions that he wanted to get Deidara hard, but said clay master was still mad at him unfortunately. Deidara tried turning to Itachi to talk to, trying to ignore the pressure growing in his pants.

Hidan leaned close to Deidara's ear, whispering huskily, "Hey, pretty girl, why don't we go up to my room?"

Of course, Deidara didn't hear the rest after 'girl', as he immediately sputtered out his sandwich...

..Right on Itachi's face. Itachi who had his eyes closed, opened them instantly and glared at Deidara. Who now stood, backed up against Hidan, a terrified look on his face, his eyes wide, both hands clasped over his mouth in a comincal way.

"Itachi! Im.. I didnt... He... Girl... Accident... Appologize... Kill... Sharingan..." He paused his saying only a few words in the sentance and looked back at Hidan with a glare on his face. "What the fuck do you mean 'pretty girl'?!!!" Itachi then proceeded in wiping off his face with a paper towel and continued glaring at Deidara, who was still glaring at Hidan.

Meanwhile, the other two just sat there and watched as Itachi glared at Deidara who glared at Hidan who was the reason for Deidara spitting Tuna and other various ingrediants of a Tuna sandwich on Itachi's face... And making him visibly horney at the moment.

Kisame was also wide eyed, shock present on his face, watching closely at Itachi's every move, waiting for the moment where he would have to step into the furious battle that he was sure that was sure to come.

Itachi just glared, Deidara's attention returning to him after Hidan just smirked and shrugged it off. He wasnt going to get into this mess, even though he started it.

Deidara began sweating nervously as he started to slowly make an 'i' line (A/N: Got it from one of Dane Cook's jokes... It does make perfect sence though... Perfect sence) away from Hidan, Itachi slowly began standing up, and he darted off to the closest room he could find. As bad luck would so graciously have it...

... It was Itachi's room... And thats where Itachi was headed. Not chasing after Deidara. Said Deidara was hiding in the closet at the time Itachi opened the door, senced he wasnt alone, and started looking around. His eyes graced over the closet door for a second, seeing a bottom corner of an Akatsuki cloak sticking out, and walked over to it quietly, Deidara covered his mouth to try and quiet himself from screaming to loud as Itachi opened the door and glared down at him.

"Get out."

And by the way he had said it, Deidara didn't need telling twice by that man, and he quickly scampered pass the Uchiha. He tripped over Itachi's dresser that was by the door, also running into it in the proccess of falling over and hitting his head on the door with a loud thunk. Itachi looked back at him with a 'what an idiot.' look on his face and walked over to him. Bending down he grabbed the back of the cloak and pulled Deidara up by it, opening the door and throwing him out of the room, sending him one last death glare he closed the door unbelievably calm.

Deidara shuddered a relieved sigh and looked to the side, to the kitchen, to see Hidan's, Kisame's and Kakuzu's heads poking around the corner with curious looks on his face. Feeling a warm substance flow out of his nose, he brought his hand up and wiped at his cheek looking at the two fingers he used. Seeing the red substance of life he sat up fast and squeesed his nose shut.

"What the hell happened to you?" Leader asked, he looked out of his room after the thud of Deidara's head and Itachi's door making aquatainces.

"Nothing too important, yeah..." His voice sounded sort of funny when his nose was plugged. When all three went back to their business, Hidan; continuing what he was doing before Tobi interupted him.

He walked over to Deidara, grabbed both of his wrists and pulled him up by them, flinging him over his shoulders. Deidara was nothing short of suprised by the action, that he noticed something was about to happen once they got to Hidans room, the door closing behind them, being locked twice and him being thrown on Hidan's bed.

"What the hell are you doing, yeah?!"

"What do you think, yeah?" Hidan mocked, holding onto Deidara's hands and pinning him against the wall...for the second time that day. Hidan kissed the hollow between Deidara's neck and shoulders, and the boy nearly melted into Hidan's control.

"N...no... Stop this, Hidanhmmm," he held his lips closed together as best as possible as he wanted to moan out to the other, when Hidan had placed a leg between his, and gently pushed against the oh-so-not-forgotten-no-matter-how-much-wished-erection. A pained look came over Deidara's face: eyes clenched closed, biting on both lips that were between his teeth, and shallow, ragged breathing coming through the nose.

The look all together made Hidan enjoy this more.

He leaned forward once more, whispering feverently into his ear, "Tell me to take away the pain, and by Jashin, I can..." Deidara's light sea-blue eyes peeked open only a little, looking at his lavender ones almost saddly.

When he spoke, he was croaking, making it almost hard to understand. Almost.

"...pl-please..."

And that's all Hidan needed before he stepped into his personal bubble, kissing him widely like they hadn't done this twelve times already in the past week. And Deidara was responsive to each move as the next. Hidan let go of Deidara's arms slowly.

Softly lifting him up, Hidan held onto him firmly for support, as Deidara wrapped his arms around his neck and legs around his waist, and lowered the both of them. Hidan on his back and Deidara sitting ontop of him, back slightly arched as he leaded down and placed a soft kiss on the religious mans neck, pulling the cloak open more to get even more access to the pale exposed chest underneath him.

Hidan shuddered slightly as he felt Deidara's tongue in his belly button, even if it was just for a second, Hidan enjoyed it. Deidara quickly removed Hidan's pants and boxers, pulling them completely off him, and tossing them somewhere random. He leaned back down and soflty licked the base of Hidan's erection. Causing the white haired man to inhale deeply.

Deidara lightly blew on the tip, causing a chill to run up and down Hidan's spine, slowly licking and putting it in his mouth. Pushing his head down quickly with his hand, Hidan bucked his hips up slowly, causing Deidara to gag slightly.

He licked, sucked, nipped, blew on... He did everything known to him to Hidan's dick that he could fit in on a random scedule, before Hidan came into his mouth.

Slowly, Deidara began crawling his way back up, straddeling Hidan's hips and started rolling his own roughly. Hidan threw his head back, submitting to Deidara, for the first time.

Soon after he got Hidan hard again, Deidara slipped his pants and boxers off as well. He positioned Hidan at his entrance, and without being prepared he thrusted himself down onto Hidan, slowly riding off the pain as he started moving his hips slowly. Progressively getting faster and coming down on his harder.

The blonde gave the other a sort of smug pleasured look, finally glad to be the one getting what he wanted, while as Hidan wasn't used to it. He was used of being in control and giving everything to Jashin. But tonight was different, and he couldnt say he didn't like it. The new sudden change in this, Deidara was actually pretty exciting for the ritualist.

Deidara rocked back and forth, side to side, wishing the Hidan would start moving anytime soon now, he even tightend his muscles just to try and get the older one to do something. No luck, the only thing Hidan did was grab his hips and stare up at him as he threw his head back and moaned loudly. It was more of a pleasured scream really. But thats all Hidan did, still nowhere near his second release, he wasnt even sure he was completely hard when Deidara forced himself on him.

The blond was practically begging him to move. But Hidan was letting him ride him with no intruption on his part, smirking wildly as the blondes movements became more wild, rough, careless... Animalistic. But, after all that, Hidan still didn't do anything, wanted to... But resisted the temptation, just to see how long the younger one could go without his help. So far they where already passed two hours now, and Deidara was getting sore. He was getting sore when the started, but now he was really getting sore, and ready to stop.

"Hidan, yeah..." He said in a pleading tone, getting faster and faster, if thats even possible, until his pace started receeding until he gradually started to stop. Just from sheer lack of Hidan partaking in this, even though he's the one that started it, he starts alot of things...

But Hidan's grasp on Deidara's hips became more than just a light touch, and more of a brutal skin tearing, blood drawing nails digging into the flesh kind of grasp telling the blond not to stop. Deidara winced and slowly started moving again, picking up the pace until it was back at the original speed. He just wasnt feeling it anymore, other than the pain in his ass, that is, until Hidan thrusted his hips up into Deidara fast and hard. Slowly pulling out as Deidara rolled his hips onto him.

"God..." Hidan muttered, a smile gracing his lips as they both started getting faster. "I was wondering when you would start giving up..." He reached up with one of his hands, grabbing a fistfull of Deidaras hair, pushing his head down closer to his. He lightly licked Deidara's bottom lip before pulling on the blonde hair, forcing Deidara's head back.

He bit down hard on Deidara's neck, drawing blood and lapping it up quickly. Deidara made a sound of discomfort as Hidan continued biting at his neck ruthlessly. Hidan moaned, bringing his other hand up to Deidara's throbbing member, putting his thumb over the slit on the head , preventing the soon release from happening any time soon, and gently rubbed across as mutch of the length as his hand could reach. So, he let go of Deidara's hair, using that hand to cover the tip, the other one to pump the blonde.

Deidara arched his back as Hidan's hand began to speed up its movements, as he bucked his hips toward the hands, a pained look came over his face as he felt his release coming any second now, already there, but Hidan's hand stopped it from doing what it was supposed to do.

"H-Hidan, yeah..." Deidara pleaded, nuzzling into Hidan's neck. Hidan only smirked as a remark.

"Come on Dei... Come for me..." He smirked more, getting more pleasure out of torturing the blonde. Deidara shook his head quickly. "Whats a matter Dei?... Dont you want to?" Deidara's hand twitched at that.

"Your fucking hand, yeah..."

"What about it?"

"Get it off!" Hidan smirked more, of corse he knew Deidara meant the other one, but he took the one that was wrapped around him off instead of the other. Deidara wimpered at Hidan's bastard-ness. Pulling Hidan's hand away from his length, that was now red from no release and sighed in relief as he was finally able to come. And yes it did go all over Hidan's hand. After five more thrusts Hidan also came.

Deidara slid off of him slowly and colapsed ontop of Hidan, too tired to go to the other side on the sheets.

Hidan looked down at his teasure and smiled lightly. Deidara, feeling his gaze, looked up at the older one and smiled back the same. But Hidan had to ruin it as he pushed a blonde strand from Deidara's face and muttered a few words.

"You have such a girly face, you know that Dei-chan?"

Deidara immediately stood and walked (though with the action that looked like he had a cork shoved up between his legs) to the door, picking up his Akatsuki cloak as he went. But before the door closed all the way, Hidan heard the destinctive voice of Deidara.

"And you're still a dumbass, yeah, you know that Hi-kun?"


	4. Kakuzu and Kisame be mean

COTK (who is also secretly NMS): Chapter 3, here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xD

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**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 4: Kakuzu and Kisame be mean

Kisame and Kakuzu where curious. Curious about what? Hidan and Deidara, they where acting unusually weird lately, and it was mostley around eachother. They had to get answers... And fast.

They knew they couldnt get any out of Hidan, for he would just use the both for a ritual. So the only option left was... Deidara.

Said blonde was walking down the hall he normally walked down to get to the bathroom and take his morningly dose of showerage. Kisame and Kakuzu waited inside said room, waiting for him quietly.

Deidara opened the door, only to get jumped by the two K's in the orginization.

"Wahh!! What the hell guys, yeah?! What are you doing?!" Deidara yelled as the two stuufed bars of soap in the mouths on his hands and tied his wrists together behind his back. They pushed him down onto the chair that they placed in there earlier that day.

"We want answers... And we want them now..." Kakuzu said in a warning tone. Deidara made a confused face, to show how mutch he was confused.

"Answeres about what, yeah?"

"Dont play dumb with us Deidara." Kisame that time.

"We want answers on whats going on with you and Hidan. So start talkin'." Kakuzu then popped his knuckles and neck with a small glare on his face. Deidara took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

"No!!!" He said finally, after taking that momentary pause in collecting his thoughts.

"No playing around Deidara... We can be very... Persuasive." They looked towards the bath tub that was already filled with water. "And thats not cold or warm water... Its hott water.. Extremely hot water. I tested it out already." Kisame said with a smug smile on his face. Kakuzu sent him a look.

"Why do you want to know?..."

"Something that might affect my partners progress on missions is my buisness... Kisame's just curious." Said Kisame leaned over, grabbing Deidara's chin and forcing him to look at him, and smiled dangerously.

"You better start talking... We have more ways of making people talk..."

"Its nothing, yeah."

"Really now?..." Kisame smirked, Deidara nodded. "Hmmmmmm... Maybe" Kisame shrugged.

"Maybe what?... I wasnt paying much attention..."

"Nothing..."

"Oh. Okay." Then.. All of a sudden. Somebody walked into the bathroom. That someone being a certain person who got Tuna all over his face two days before that.

Lets just say that Mr. Weasle and or Skunk hasnt quite gotten over it yet. So, he just glanced over to the three, gave Kisame an odd glance, Kakuzu a disturbed one, and Deidara a pissed off one. Yes... Itachi has anger management issues in this fanfiction of internal doom.

He then walked out and closed the door behind him.

Just because I am bored today and is busy watching death note all day again... I am going to leave you here... But I will tell you one thing...

They get the answer out of Deidara by threatening to cut off his man vagina with a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very... Very very rusty kunai...

So now.. All Akatsuki is gonna know, just for the sheer fact that Kisame is a bumbeling idiot and accidentaly told Tobi, who doesnt quite grasp the concept of keeping his mouth shut.

COTK: Bye now!!! Reviews would be nice please!


	5. Itachi Itachi paradise

COTK (who is also secretly NMS): Here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xDMore like every other chapter.. And they ish all gonna be different themed.. So we really have to rack our brains on this one... Any way, set aside from smut-ness... The perverted humor is a never ending trait in this shindig.

Please note taco heads: No Akatsuki members where or are going to be harmed in the making of the rest of this story.. Except for Deidara's ass... That is all.

Oh! Characters are also going to have very odde and different traits... Sorry I didnt let you in on it before... But it starts in this chapter.

FIRSTDISCLAIMEROFTHISMOFO!!!!WOOT!: Die taco humans! You will Pay for your discrepancies!!! That is all...

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**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 4: Itachi Itachi paradise

Deidara let out a low growl, as a foot slowly made its toes make contact with his nose. The toes started wiggling. Deidara opened his eyes when the comforting presence left. He looked up at the deranged look on an ever empassive face of Itachi staring down at him.

"What do you want, Itachi, yeah?" He rubbed his eyes while sitting up.

"You..." Itachi paused momentarily. This catching the attention of a half asleep Deidara. Who wasnt thinking clearly at the moment.

"Yeah. Sure whatever.. Do what you want... Just let me sleep, yeah..." He mumbled while laying back down and closed his eyes. Itachi blinked at his responce. Not knowing quite what to do at the moment.

"Uh... I want you-" Deidara cut him off.

"Itachi, look... I know you must think im a sexy bastard and all... But... As you probably know... I am already takin, yeah... And I dont think Hidan would apreciate it, yeah..." Deidara sat up again, a stern look on his face.

"Deidara!!!" Itachi yelled, in a way he didnt mean to, making it sound more like a moan/yell instead of a normal yell. Deidara's eyes got semi wide as he stared at the serial psycho. "Get your fat lazy ass out of that bed right god fucking damn now! You cocksucking mother fucking bitch of a whore!!!"

"Why?" Deidara by passed all insults and got straight to the point of the conversation.

"We have a mission from Leader. Only us. Kisame and Tobi are sick... So we have to pair up until they are better... Now get out of bed, change, get ready, or I will do it. And not in a nice way... We leave in fourty minutes." Itachi glared down at him darkly. Deidara got up slowly, Waiting for Itachi to leave the room, as he got a change of clothes. He looked back nervously at him from time to time, to see him still watching him with that death glare on his face.

He gulped silently and went back to what he was doing. Only when he had everythying ready, he turned to face Itachi and confront his fear and tell him to get out so he could change.

"Uh.. Itachi, yeah?" He asked as Itachi walked over to Deidara's bed and sat down on it.

"What, Deidara?"

"Can you leave, so I ca-" Itachi growled deep in his throat.

"No."

"What?"

"No... I dont trust you to stay awake. Considering that you keep yawning and dosing off while you where doing those simple tasks..."

"Uh... Then can you at least stop watching me, yeah?"

"No..."

"Itachi..."

"No. Same reason. Get over it and get dressed..." He paused, noticing Deidara's hesitation. "Dont make me force you... I dont want to fall behind on this mission."

Deidara sighed, realizing he wasnt going to win this arguement any time soon. He turned back around, yawning, and began to take off his shirt slowly. Not because of Itachi being there. But because of a wound he got on the last mission he went on not but two days ago. Itachi on the other hand, had no idea about this and stared at him. Perplexed as he watched the blonde undress himself slowly.

Deidara felt his gaze and looked back at him nervously, before going back to his business.

---- Later on the mission----

Okay... So it was after the mission... They are now traveling on a never beforee used except by the Akatsuki path, heading back to the base. But they had to stop at an Inn for the night, considering, Deidara was knocked out and his wound that was mentioned before. It reopened andgot bigger, so. Itachi had flung him over his shoulder, getting Deidara blood on him, and was carrying the unconcious blonde to the closest inn that he could find.

---- In inn ----

Itachi had lain Deidara down on the bed that was in the room they where to stay in, left for about five minutes to get the towns doctor. He returned with an old man that must have been the doctor, Itachi had payed for his services before hand, so the doctor had come to the room free of charge.

He examined the large cut that started from the end of his chest to the middle of his hips.

"It doesnt appear to be too bad. The way you explained it, it seemed life threatening. But. Its just a cut, a very deep cut. Hes going to have to get sticthes for sure though... No doubt about that. We should start right away."

"We?" The doctor nodded.

"Why of corse.. Since i didnt bring a nurse or any one from the office, I may need an assistant... Would you mind waking him up for me?..."

"Ugh... Fine. But I think it would be easier to do it when he is still out of commision..."

"Nah... I think we can both deal with it, what ever he has to say or do about it..."

"What ever... Its your funeral..." Itachi sighed, walking up becide the bed, looked down at Deidara, brought his hand up in the air. He brought down his hand against Deidara's cheek, leaving the slapping sound echo through the air. Silence soon followed as Deidara opened his eyes quickly and stared, shocked, up at Itachi.

"What the hell, why are you waisting your time on doing that, yeah!?!?! Where did they go, yeah!??!!??!... Where are we?" Deidara asked looking around the room confused.

"Did you really have to do that?" The doctor asked, getting his needle, the string they use for stitches, alchohol, dry towels, and fresh bandages. Deidara hadnt noticed him before that comment.

"Whos he? And whats with those things? Is sombody hurt, yeah?" The two looked at him weird as it finally sunk in his thick skull as to why he hurt and why he was shirtless. Itachi had taken it off of him once they got in the room, to examine the damage.

"You arent planning on... Are you, yeah?" His eyes got wide as Doctor started stringing the needle that he just poured enough alchohol to clean it and got up. Confirming his worse fears to become a reality. "No... Stay away, yeah! Dont make me blow you up!"

"I took the clay out..."

"Damn you Itachi, yeah!!! Wait, wait, wait!!!!! Please stay away!!! I dont want to die, yeah!"

"Deidara... There is more of a chance that you will die sooner with out the stitches then with them... So suck it up, grow some balls, become a man, and get over it... You are getting the stitches no matter what you do or how hard you struggle."

"No..." Doctor walked up becide Itachi and looked at the two of them oddly. Deidara began crawling away, to the other side of the bed. Itachi however, wouldnt stand having to pay with his money to get this guy medical attention, so ;eader wouldnt blame him when the blonde died from blood loss. Cause Fuck knows that hes not going to be blamed for his stupidity. Even if he did have a tremendous fear of needles.

"Im going to have to ask you to hold him down please." Itachi nodded, making a clone of himself, forcing Deidara back into the laying position he was in earlier. And his clone laying ontop of his legs, holding them together and down. The real one was behind him, holding his arms tightly so he couldnt fight with them, and wrapping his legs around his chest roughly. "Good... Now hold still... This is going to hurt a little bit..." Doctor smiled and started his work.

Deidara began wriggling around after the first two, wincing as the needle and string went in and out of his flesh, holding the red and still bleeding, but not as bad as before, raw, and swollen wound together. Pulling the on it semi roughly so the flesh would stay together right. He bit his bottom lip hard, drawing blood, his movements where lessened conciderably thatnks to Itachi and his damned clone.

He slowly looked up at Itachi, to distract him from the needle, only to see Itachi staring down at him with a small, not amused, smile on his face. A questioning look came upon his face as Itachi brushed his long yellow bangs out of his face and leaned forward slowly. Doctor looked up when Itachi started moving, a small smile on his face. Looking back down he continued his work, not paying attention to the two.

"Itachi... What are you-?" He was cut off by Itachi's lips pressing against his. Deidara's eyes got wide instantly, and Itachi lifted his head up again.

"Calming you down..." He whispered quietly. He kissed the blond again, but harder. After a while of that, Deidara's eyes slowly closed and he finally kissed back, only to remember Hidan a minute later.

"Mhmph... phm mmm..." Deidara tried saying, pulling one of his hands free and pushing Itachi away from him. Itachi looked at him confused.

"What?" He asked calmly.

"Hidan, yeah..." He said calmly. Itachi Just stared at him. Deidara looked back down, only to see that Doctor was only half done, only just below his rib cage. He grumbled in his head as Itachi, put his hand under his jaw and made him look at him again. "Itachi..." He tenced up again as the needle penatrated him again, shuddering Itachi smirked.

"Shh..." He leaned forward again, this time making sure his grip on Deidara's hands where strong enough so they wouldnt wretch loose again. Also on his jaw. He placed another kiss on Deidara's lips. Deidara closed his eyes tightly, taking in a deep breath through his nose. _What is he up to?_ _Is he trying to test me, yeah?... _

Itachi licked Deidara's bottom lip slowly, waiting for Deidara to comply. When he didnt, he pulled his mouth open and pushed his tongue past Deidara's lips, forgetting about the doctor being in the room still.

Deidara pushed at Itachi's tongue with his, trying to get it out of his mouth. No use. Even Itachi's tongue is stronger than his is. Thats sad really.

"Hmph. Mhah..." Itachi opened his eyes, looking at the progress Doctor made so far, only an inch left to go. _Good, then I get to take care of him... _His eyes traveled further down, below the pants line.

After a few seconds Doctor tied and cut the wire washing the needle off once again, and wiping off the excess blood around the wound. Deidara winced as Itachi bit his bottom lip. Doctor cleared his throat, the bandages in his hand, ready to go. They broke apart and looked at him, an aggitated look on Itachi's face and a releaved one on Deidara's.

"Going to have to wrap it up now. Then I will leave..." Doctor smiled as Itachi let go of Deidara, his clone disapearing. Deidara sat up, closing his eyes, sighing in relief as Itachi got up from behind him and stood up. Doctor wrapped the bandage around the designated area.

When done with that he stood up, put all his things back into his doctor bag and pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "He will need to rest for a while. No frequent moving around for at least two weeks, and he shouldnt get the bandages to wet, If you would like, you two can stay at the hospital until then. Just to make sure." Itachi shook his head.

"We will be fine. Thank you." He closed his eyes.

"Very well. Have a good night." He bowed and left the inn within a minute or two. Itachi looked back at Deidara as he was laying back down against the pillows that where placed where Itachi was a few minutes ago. Deidara blinked and looked up at the Uchiha, blinking more. A small blush on his face, but not very noticable, if it werent Itachi.

"Um... Did you need something, Itachi, yeah?" He asked, trying to forget about current events. Itachi just kept staring at him with a blank look. Before he closed his eyes again, walking back up to him and just stood there for a minute. Before leaning down, his face inches away from a wide eyed and shocked Deidara.

"Anything you need... Just tell me... And I will get it for you." He said placing a small kiss on his forehead, then his cheek. Stopping just before their lips pressed together again. Looking into his eyes suddenly deactivating his Sharingan. Deidara slowly moved his head back so there was more of a gap between the two.

Then Itachi stood back up straight and walked to the other side of the bed, sitting down on it slowly, his back turned to Deidara and his eyes closed. Deidara stared at the back of his head for a while, shocked while Itachi took off his shoes, then his Akatsuki cloak, and last his hitai-ate, setting that on the end table by his side of the bed.

Deidara then followed suit by taking off his shoes as well, Akatsuki and Forehead protector already off. He brought his leg up struggling to take them off, dropping his foot several times in the process. Catching the attention of none other than Itachi himself. Itachi watched silently for a minute. Deidara dropped his foot again, only to have Itachi's out stretched hand to catch it. He looked up quickly, not knowing when Itachi got that close. I mean yeah. The bed was small and all. But it wasnt that small.

Itachi quickly pulled off the first one, setting it aside, and taking the other one off as well. Placing them on the floor he leaned back over Deidara, eyes half closed his brows slightly furrowed. His eyes down cast towards the blondes hips. But he looked up again. "Remember Deidara. You need anything..." He paused, noticing Deidara's eyes off to the side, not looking at him. He placed his hand on his cheek and made him face him. "Tell me..." Deidara slowly nodded. "Good. Now... Do you need anything?"

"No..." Deidara looked away as Itachi got up and walked for the door to the bathroom.

"Get some rest..." He said quietly, opening the door and walking into the room.

Deidara blinked, _Why is he so confusing, yeah?... I think I might not be able to fight him off, especially not for two weeks... Gawd, yeah. _He shook his head quickly when he heard water start running, but after awhile stopped. He wondered what Itachi waas doing in there. Shaking his head again trying to get the images out. _No. Gotta stop thinking like that, yeah! I gotta just think about Hidan! And this is just him being oddly nice and caring. Even though its kinda hot... Gawd! Stop it!!!! _He closed his eyes tightly, gripping onto his pant legs, what looked like a murderous glare on his face. No noticing Itachi walking out of the bathroom, hair down and wet. Shirt in one hand, towel in the other, drying himself off quietly. He looked down at Deidara.

"You alright?" Deidara did nothing but stay like that.

COTK: Bye now!!! Reviews would be nice please! Have fun being dominated by a cow with rabies!!! I like making cliff hangers.. Just dont like reading tjem all to well... HAHAHAHAHAHA


	6. what'd you do?

COTK (who is also secretly NMS): Here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xDMore like every other chapter.. And they ish all gonna be different themed.. So we really have to rack our brains on this one... Any way, set aside from smut-ness... The perverted humor is a never ending trait in this shindig.

Please note taco heads: No Akatsuki members where or are going to be harmed in the making of the rest of this story.. Except for Deidara's ass... That is all.

Oh! Characters are also going to have very odde and different traits... Sorry I didnt let you in on it before... But it starts in this chapter.

And yes... Itachi does like Deidara... If weirdos where wondering about it

FIRSTDISCLAIMEROFTHISMOFO!!!!WOOT!: Die taco humans! You will Pay for your discrepancies!!! That is all...

* * *

**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 5: What'd you do?

Hidan growled deep in his throat. Deidara and Itach just arived back at the base from their mission. Deidara was still recovering from his wound, but they got back only two days after they got to the inn. You see the doctor... He was a ninja in disguise. And him and a couple others sort of ambushed the room shortly after. Forcing the two to get the fuck out of dodge. And fast.

"What the fuck did you do to him?" Hidan asked as Itachi walked out of Deidara's room. Deidara suddenly colapsed out of exhaustion and blood loss, for it reopened, it not being properly healed and all. Itachi looked at him with a small glare.

"I didnt do anything to him Hidan... He got injured in a battle." He stated simply, walking down the hall.

"Bull fucking shit Itachi..." Hidan muttered, slowly walking into Deidara's room. He does cause the blonde alot of trouble, and insults him on a regular basis, but thats just his way of saying he cares about him. And he is practically responcibal for him getting hurt in the first place.

--- FB BITCHES!--

_Deidara walked out of the basement. Hearing yelling from the kitchen he decided to investigate. So he strolled into the room to see Hidan having a Hidan arguement with himself. He didnt want to make him even more mad than he was doing alone. So he quietly stood there in the door way. Hidan grew angrier and angrier as the time went by and he stormed out the back entrance, never noticed Deidara once in that time._

_Deidara walked out the same way as Hidan did after he got a glass of water. He stood there, infront of the door, for about ten seconds before he decided to see what was the matter. Hidan had his syth with him and was swinging it around, at trees, the ground, that air, a rabbit that just happened to be passing by at the time._

_"Hey Hi-" Deidara paused once Hidan swung at him, thinking it was someone else. Deidara's eyes went wide as a seering pain shot through his stomache, chest and waist. He dropped the glass, causing it to shatter once it made contact with the pavement. Hidan hadnt turned around when he had swung, he just swung at the noise._

_Hidan dropped the sythe on the ground, eyes wide with shock and mild disbelief. He slowly walked over to Deidara, forgetting why he was mad in the first place._

_Deidara's eyes followed his movements slowly, he started trembeling, feeling the blood gush out of the cut slowly. Hidan stopped when he stepped on the broken glass. His arms began to rise as Deidara slowly fell forward, into them._

_"Deidara... I..." Even though it was Deidara... Hidan wasnt very good at appologizing. He lifted him up and took him to the doctor of the orginization; Zetsu._

---END FB!!! I sorry for calling you bitches... It was uncalled for.---

Hidan sat in a chair next to the bed, Stroking Deidara's hand softly. A small frown on his face. His eyes slowly slid shut and within seconds he was asleep.

COTK: Bye now!!! Reviews would be nice please! Have fun being dominated by a cow with rabies!!! I like making cliff hangers.. Just dont like reading tjem all to well... HAHAHAHAHAHA


	7. Things I can never express

COTK: Here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xDMore like every other chapter.. And they ish all gonna be different themed.. So we really have to rack our brains on this one... Any way, set aside from smut-ness... The perverted humor is a never ending trait in this shindig. Oh... And I just read a review for chapter six. And this most likely wont be a Itadei fic. I like HidaDei so im probably going to keep it for this couple. We do need more of this couple on this site... And we wont be updating as mutch as normal.. Skool started last week...

Please note taco heads: No Akatsuki members where or are going to be harmed in the making of the rest of this story.. Except for Deidara's ass... That is all.

Oh! Characters are also going to have very odde and different traits... Sorry I didnt let you in on it before... But it starts in this chapter.

And yes... Itachi does like Deidara... If weirdos where wondering about it

FIRSTDISCLAIMEROFTHISMOFO!!!!WOOT!: Die taco humans! You will Pay for your discrepancies!!! That is all...

And sorry I got the chapter numbers mixed up in the past... It most likely will stay correct from now on. And im thinking of ending it pretty soon... So dont say I didnt warn you when it says complete...

Yeah!

* * *

**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 7: Things I can never express

After almost two weeks of healing, Deidara finaly was able to get up and walk around. He would have sooner, if Hidan insisted on him staying in bed longer, until Leader told Hidan to let him get up for a while. No missions though. Hidan finally managed to pursuade him to agreeing. Tobi and Kisame are better now as well. Hidan was happy that Deidara was alright though.

There was once, a few days in, that his condition worsend, and he almost didnt wake up. Hidan almost started crying when Zetsu pushed him out of the room, telling him to get some rest and eat something. He had stayed up, not leaving the room, let alone the blondes side until he was certain that he was going to wake up.

Although Zetsu was persistant.. He could still die. And Hidan would be the one to make that happen if he didnt let him stay in the room.

So. Zetsu ended up being forced to let Hidan stay, if you couldnt already guess.

It was now almost three in the morning and Itachi got up to go to bed. Deidara was dosing off, and Hidan was wide awake. Trying desperaitly to keep him from falling asleep, But Deidara, who really wanted sleep badly, fell asleep eventually. Curled up next to Hidan, his head on his leg, a content smile on his face. Hidan looked down in defeat as his only methods of staying awake, wasnt awake.

He soon fell asleep, only to be woken up the next morning in a very weird position by none other than Kisame, who rudely woke the couple up by jumping on Hidan's stomach. Hidan 'oofed' and jumped violentely, his thighs landing on Deidara's face.

Deidara opened his eyes wide. Almost screaming as a responce.

"Hidan!! What the hell, yeah!?!?! Get off!" He yelled, pushing on Hidan's hips, and finally managing to get him off the couch.

"Sorry Dei... Its Kisame's fucking fault!" Hidan really needs to learn how to controll his fuck saying...

"It kinda was..." Kisame said, sitting down where Hidan was, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

----- Later yalls!-----

Hidan stormed into Itachi's room. Not particularilly looking for any comfrontation.

"What the hell Itachi?! Just what the Hell?!" Itachi looked up from the book he was reading at the moment the second what came from Hidan's mouth.

"What?"

"What do you mean what!?" Hidan threw his arms up in the air and stormed out of the room.

"Okay..." Itachi went back to his reading his romance novel.

-----Some other time later...-----

(A/N: Okay. Time to take action... This is getting too serious... I need to get my fear of spazzyy out of my head... ... I could just go work on Clash of the morons... I'll be right back.)

(A/N:Yeah.. Im back. Woot!)

Deidara made a small sound of discomfort. Hidan looked down at him, eyebrow raised slightly.

"Whats wrong, Dei? You should be used to this by now..." He said, setting his sythe down slowly. Deidara was laying on his stomach, Hidan standing over him.

"Be used to what, yeah?" Deidara asked, turning his head slightly to face the Jashinist, a confused look on his face.

"I dont know... You almost done healing yet? Im tired of waiting..."

"..." Deidara blinked, sitting up with his back against Hidan's wall.

"What?... Im serious." Hidan sat down as well.

"Can I blow you-" Hidan's bad habbits busted into the conversation at this point.

"Why yes you can!" He said happily, a smile on his face. Deidara gave him a half lidded look.

"Up." Deidara finished his long forgotten and rudely interupted sentence. Hidan's smile made a disapearing act as the comment sunk in. Finally.

"What?... Why do you want to blow me up, yeah?..." It seems Deidara's way of speaking have been rubbing off on Hidan's potty mouth of a way of speaking.

"Because... You are impatient. And its annoying, yeah... And since when did you start saying, yeah, after you talk, yeah?!"

"Since your not impatience is annoying. Becides. Its catchy, yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah..." Hidan teased, rubbing a hand in the long blonde hair. Unnoticed by Deidara, when the hand removed itself from the golden locks, it slowly traveled downward.

Deidara, supprised at the notion of a hand firmly squeezing his ass in a way that would make Miroku very very very proud of it, let out a high pitched screech of embaressment (Sp!), and clasped a hand over his mouth so the sound was muffled some. He turned a Akatsuki cloud red and turned his head towrds a gleeming Hidan, a glare present on his face.

Hidan leaned in closer to him, with an evil smirk and a plan to piss Deidara off some more. He licked the shell of his ear seductively, Deidara growing even more red, as he smirked more.

"You would make a very beautiful girl, you know that?..." He whispered, grabbing the other side of Deidara's face as he licked up the length of the other side of his face. Deidara shuddered while glaring more at the older man.

"Go away Hidan, yeah..." He said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. Hidan back traced for a minute.

"Its my room though..." He said quietly, pouting at the regection. He let his hand drop, it fell into Deidara's lap palm facing up, and stared at Deidara's closed eyes.

"So, yeah..." His eyes opened again, only to have a powerful twitch to envelope one of his eyes, causing the appearence of Deidara winking at Hidan. Hidan's pout turned into a lusty smirk at that moment. He climbed ontop of the blonde quickly.

COTK: Dont you just love it when authors leave you when it gets good?... I dont.. Hehe... Anways.. Im now off to work on Ch8... Damn! This is catching up with 'Clash-ofthe-morons' pretty fast...

Please R&R if you want. But they would be appreciated.


	8. you just got bitch slapped

COTK: Here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xDMore like every other chapter.. And they ish all gonna be different themed.. So we really have to rack our brains on this one... Any way, set aside from smut-ness... The perverted humor is a never ending trait in this shindig. Oh... And I just read a review for chapter six. And this most likely wont be a Itadei fic. I like HidaDei so im probably going to keep it for this couple. We do need more of this couple on this site... And we wont be updating as mutch as normal.. Skool started last week... Itachi will continue making moves on Deidara as well...

Please note taco heads: No Akatsuki members where or are going to be harmed in the making of the rest of this story.. Except for Deidara's ass... That is all.

Oh! Characters are also going to have very odd and different traits... Like Tobi never goes back on a dare... Sorry I didnt let you in on it before... But it starts in this chapter.

And yes... Itachi does like Deidara... If weirdos where wondering about it

FIRSTDISCLAIMEROFTHISMOFO!!!!WOOT!: Die taco humans! You will Pay for your discrepancies!!! That is all...

Sorry I got the chapter numbers mixed up in the past... It most likely will stay correct from now on. And im thinking of ending it pretty soon... So dont say I didnt warn you when it says complete...

Other couples introduced soon...

Yeah!

* * *

**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 8: You just got bitch slapped...

Deidara's eyes widen at Hidan's quickness.

"Hidan, stop, yeah..." Deidara said as he pushed on Hidans shoulders.

"Why?" Hidan asked, nibbling on his ear.

"'Cause, yeah... I'll scream." He warned.

"I'm sure you will." He then started licking and nipping at Deidara's collar bone, his hand went down to Deidara's right thigh, pulling the leg out from under him for more leverage. Hidan then started slowly rolling his hips, in an attempt to get Deidara in the mood.

"Uhn. Hidan... Stop. I really dont want to this time, yeah..." Deidara said quietly, His eyes half lidded A deep crimson blush on his cheeks again. He pushed harder this time, managing to only lift Hidan up a little. Hidan lightly kissed him, stopping everything he was doing and looked down at Deidara. A pleading look in both of their eyes. Deidara's was for Hidan to leave him alone. and Hidan's was for... Well, you know what Hidan wanted.

Hidan smirked as Deidara looked away slowly. Leaning up he lifted Deidara's shirt up, just above his chest. Deidara squirmed from under him, his eyes closing tightly and pushing up on Hidan's chin. Hidan grabbed onto his wrist and pinned it over his head.

"Hidan, Stop, yeah!" Deidara yelled loudly, hoping someone would hear him, Hidan's hips where brought down against Deidara's slowly, lifting his head up slightly. Deidara took that as a chance to slap him across the face, now using the moment of Hidan's suprize to slide out from under him, and start walking for the door.

He made his way down the hall, his arms crossing over his chest after he pulled his shirt down the rest of the way. He stopped becide Itachi's bedroom door, staring at it for a few minutes before continuing to walk towards the kitchen.

Stopping mid-step, he turned back around and headed back to the Uchiha's door, knocking on it tentatively. Half hoping he wasnt there and half hoping he was there. Just to make Hidan mad...

The door opened slowly after a while. Itachi stood in the doorway, looking at the blonde with a questioning glance. His hair slightly askew out of its usual ponytail, as if Deidara had woken him up or something.

"What do you need Deidara?..." Itachi asked after a while, getting irritated at the silence from the blonde. He watched as Deidara figited with a strand of his long golden hair and looking down at the ground.

"I was... Wondering, yeah... If... I could-...?" Itachis sudden movment caught his attention, he looked back up at Itachi. Seeing that he had stepped aside, giving the blonde room to walk passed him, which Deidara did.

Itachi walked by him and stopped, sitting down on the bed, Deidara stayed standing before Itachi looked at him. Patting the mattress of the bed becides him, signaling for Deidara to sit. Slowly, Deidara sat down next to Itachi, looking at his feet.

"If you could stay here tonight?" Itachi asked after a while, Deidara, suprized, looked up at the raven before nodding after a pause. "Let me guess... Hidan again?"

"How'd you?-" Deidara was interupted again.

"Your room is right next to mine... I can practically hear everything the two of you do in there... And I doubt that most of the people in the base at the moment didnt hear you yelling a few minutes ago..." Itachi stated bluntly, Deidara blushed and looked down.

"Sorry if i woke you up, yeah..."

"Dont worry about it..." Itachi's tone was unbelieveably gentle, as he reached up to brush some hair behind Deidara's ear. "Yes. You can stay here as long as you need... Now get some sleep. You look tired." Itachi stated/pointed out, standing up and leaving the room. Of corse after fixing his ponytail first.

It took a while to regester what the hell had gotten into Itachi before he dosed off, not realizing it, and slumping over onto the still slightly warm sheets on Itachi's bed.

* * *

Strange chapter. Sorry it took so long to update... School is a bitch!

Please review?!


	9. That was odd

COTK: Here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xDMore like every other chapter.. And they ish all gonna be different themed.. So we really have to rack our brains on this one... Any way, set aside from smut-ness... The perverted humor is a never ending trait in this shindig. Oh... And I just read a review for chapter six. And this most likely wont be a Itadei fic. I like HidaDei so im probably going to keep it for this couple. We do need more of this couple on this site... And we wont be updating as mutch as normal.. Skool started last week... Itachi will continue making moves on Deidara as well...

Please note taco heads: No Akatsuki members where or are going to be harmed in the making of the rest of this story.. Except for Deidara's ass... That is all.

Oh! Characters are also going to have very odd and different traits... Like Tobi never goes back on a dare... Sorry I didnt let you in on it before... But it starts in this chapter.

And yes... Itachi does like Deidara... If weirdos where wondering about it

FIRSTDISCLAIMEROFTHISMOFO!!!!WOOT!: Die taco humans! You will Pay for your discrepancies!!! That is all...

Sorry I got the chapter numbers mixed up in the past... It most likely will stay correct from now on. And im thinking of ending it pretty soon... So dont say I didnt warn you when it says complete...

Other couples introduced soon...

Yeah!

* * *

**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 9: That was odd.

Deidara opened his eyes slowly, his eyes scanned the dark room, trying to regester where he was, feeling a weight shifting becide him. He turned slightly, thinking it was Hidan (Forgetting all about earlier events.) his arm unconciously being flung around the figures waiste. Him still being in habit and all.

Eyes closing in the process of the action, he didnt notice the non-silver long black hair on the head of the owner. Crimson sharingan eyes opened quickly, scanning over the blond hair infront of him. Itachi quickly looked down at Deidara's arm, that was currently wrapped around his waiste. The other arm was closer to his face, hand in a half fist half straight (relaxed...) manner. The mouth slightly opened, smacking its lips before closing again.

Deidara snuggled closer to the raven as a light yet cold (winter) breeze flew in throught the open window, his forehead against Itachi's chest.

Itachi turned onto his back, earning a displeased grunt from the blond. Another breeze came in, hitting Deidara more since Itachi rolled over.

Deidara, eyes still closed, climbed onto Itachi, reaching out to the direction the wind was coming from. Once his fingers hit the bottom of the window, he slid it shut, slowly laying back down ontop of Itachi. Itachi's eyes following his movements, his expression not changing from its usual impassive way.

His right hand settling on the small of Deidara's back, his left slowly pulling the bedsheets over him. Deidara stopped shivering once the warm covers slid ontop of him. Itachi's hand unclasped from around the cloth, slowly moving up to the back of his head.

Deidara snuggled into the crook of Itachi's neck, Itachi closed his eyes again, falling back asleep. A big smile spread across his face, as he took in a deep breath through his nose. "Hidan," He mumbled under his breath. "You smell nice, un..."

---Later---

Deidara slowly opened his eyes. Seeing black instead of silver... They went wide as he got rolled off of Itachi and onto his back. Quickly, he grabbed onto the blanket and sheets and lifted them up, looking down. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw they where both fully clothed.

Little did he know, Itachi was watching him like a hawk.

"Is something the matter, deidara...?" He asked starteling Deidara, the blond jumped violently, accidentally falling off the bed in the process.

"No, un... I just... Dont know, un..." He stammered, slowly sitting up while rubbing his sore butt. He stood up, pushing the cloth material back onto the bed, and straightening his hair slightly.

Itachi just stared at him for awhile, before sitting up and grabbing ahold of Deidara's wrist. Deidara's eyes went slightly wide as he was pulled half on the bed, half on Itachi.

"Itachi... What are you doing, un...?" Deidara asked, propping himself up on is elbows, looking down at the Uchiha as he closed his eyes, putting his right arm around Deidara's back.

"Going back to sleep... Shh... Good night. You are out of here in the morning..." Deidara sighed and closed his eyes.

"Alright... Can you at least loosen your grip...?" He asked, Itachi opened his eyes a crack and looked up at him. His grpi on the blond's back loosened slightly, but not much. Deidara sighed again, deciding that that was as good as he was going to get from Itachi, laying his head on his chest after a long while.

Deidara lay there for what seemed like hours, listening to Itachi's quiet heartbeat. It slowly made him drift off to sleep.

--- Another later..---

Hidan walked through the halls of the Akatsuki base, he had an angry scowel on his face. Pausing in his attmepts to get where he was going, his scowel disapeared as Deidara gloomily rounded the corner.

Deidara, looking up, also paused when he saw Hidan walking towards him with a gental smile on his face. He decided to see what the religious man wanted.

Hidan's last few steps towards the blond where more of bounds, as he quickly wrapped his arms around Deidara, one hand placed on the back of his head and his cheek pressed against Deidara's.

"Hidan, un... Are you alright, yeah...?" Deidara asked as he felt Hidan smile.

"Im sorry, Deidara..." His smile got bigger as he closed his eyes. "Please dont leave again..." He said under his breath. Bearly audible for Deidara to hear. Deidara slowly moved his hand up to Hidan's back, slowly patting it as Hidan rested his forehead against the blonds shoulder.

"Its... Alright, un..." Deidara quietly said, Hidan slowly shook his head, closing his eyes.

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Strange chapter. Sorry it took so long to update... School is a bitch! 

Please review?!


	10. once apon a fucked up Hidan

COTK: Here we go... Oh, and by the way, we can't promise that there isn't a smut scene in every chapter. xDMore like every other chapter.. And they ish all gonna be different themed.. So we really have to rack our brains on this one... Any way, set aside from smut-ness... The perverted humor is a never ending trait in this shindig. Oh... And I just read a review for chapter six. And this most likely wont be a Itadei fic. I like HidaDei so im probably going to keep it for this couple. We do need more of this couple on this site... And we wont be updating as mutch as normal.. Skool started last week... Itachi will continue making moves on Deidara as well...

Please note taco heads: No Akatsuki members where or are going to be harmed in the making of the rest of this story.. Except for Deidara's ass... That is all.

Oh! Characters are also going to have very odd and different traits... Like Tobi never goes back on a dare... Sorry I didnt let you in on it before... But it starts in this chapter.

And yes... Itachi does like Deidara... If weirdos where wondering about it

FIRSTDISCLAIMEROFTHISMOFO!!!!WOOT!: Die taco humans! You will Pay for your discrepancies!!! That is all...

Sorry I got the chapter numbers mixed up in the past... It most likely will stay correct from now on. And im thinking of ending it pretty soon... So dont say I didnt warn you when it says complete...

Other couples introduced soon...

Yeah! MORE ITACHI AS CHAPTERS PROGRESS!!!

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**Troublesome doesn't cut it, dumbass.**

Chapter 10: (A/N: This chapter is a crack chapter.. Made purely of crack, for crack and by two [most likely one crackheads... Just letting you know...) (Used crazy scenes fromone chapter in Clash of the morons!) once apon a ucked up Hidan...

Birds chirped outside the front of his windowseal. Hidan opened his eyes slowly, having had the craziest dream in the history of crazy assed dreams. Thos other dreams... Didnt even top the one he just had...

_Deidara... Tobi... And the babysitters... _

_Deidara and Tobi decided to play eveil bad guys on the rail road with the damsal in distress and the super hero in spandex..._

_Deidara; engineer... Tobi; bad guy... Itachi; super hero in spandex... And Hidan; you dont want to know._

_Tobi tied Hidan up to a life sized railroad track that was mysteriously placed in the back yard earlier that evening by Peinmommy and Konandaddy. Itachi was forced into spandex by Deidara, while he (Deidara) put on a conductors hat and got inside a lifesized train that was brought into the house, so the lazy Deidara could drive it out of the house. Tobi got dressed into a black outfit and a black top hat, Along with a fake pink mustache and blue gogo-boots... They had to force Hidan into a ball gown and then re-tied him to the track._

_Okay! ACTION!!!_

_Deidara. The diabolical trian conductor of the train that was placed under him, on the train track. The train? Heading down the track at 1,2345 mph. Deidara picked up a talking device thingy at pushed the big orange spiraly button on the side._

_"We have an afermative speed of 1,234 mph, sir Tobi. What else is that you need me to do?"_

_There was a clicking sound and then there was nothing. Until Tobi's voice came over the boom bax device._

_"Go get me some Mc. Donalds... I want a big mac meal..."_

_"Anything to drink?"_

_"Sprite..."_

_"Okee dokee!" Deidara turned a shrap right, crashing dwon many fences on his way to Mac doodles! A few second later Deidara was seen on the track, speeding to get to Hidan!_

_Then all of a sudden???!?!? Itachi AKA Spandex dude came flying down wih a clear string attetched to his back. He landed infront of Hidan with an outstretched hand._

_"Dont worry ma'am.. I am here to barbeque you..." He said in a monotone way._

_"Great.. Im doomed... Ita- I mean.. Spandex dude?" He corrected himself after Tobi and Deidara sent him a look. S.D. looked down at him and blinked._

_"Why are we even here?"_

_"We need the money.. After Kisame spent all of it on a jakuzzi (sp) and a hot tub for his pimping techniques..."_

_"Ah yes... The pimping..."_

_"Now shut up and let me barbeque your ass!!!" Deidara and Tobi gasped loudly and everything went silent and still. They stood there, gaping at S.D. like he was alien dog from planet Irk._

_"You said ASS... Imma gonna tell PeinMOMMY on you..." Deidara said._

_"Im sorry... " Tobi said like he was master of the universe._

_"Its alright... Now go and play kids... You have a big day ahead of you..."_

_"But arent we already playin this game???" Tobi is a dumby..._

_"OFF TO BED WITH YOU!!! AND NO SUPPER FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Deidara yelled and pointed to the house. S.D. cleared his throat and cleared himself away of the spandex, placing his hands on his hips and glaring down at the first redhead._

_"You do not get to choose if your brother gets no supper or not... So i would appologize to the young blemish if I where you... And I suggest you do it fast, for my patients is nothing short of missing... ON WITH IT!!!!" Itachi growled._

_Deidara, Hidan, and Tobi where all huddled into a corner of the yard as Itachi tapped his foot on the ground angrily._

_"S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sor-sorry T-t-t-t-to-to-tobi..." Deiadara stammered out, Itachi let out a grumble of aproval and viciously pointed to the house._

_"Now in the house! All of you!!! And Hidan... GET OUT OF THE FUCKING DRESS!! YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!" He yelled._

_"But.. It makes me feel like a fucking fine beast of sexy womanly-ness...!" Hidan salluted and the dress magically poofed off of him and he was naked... No one realized it though. And they all walked into the house. Had a happy ending as Itachi made macarroni and cheese with ramen noodles and hotdogs on the inside._

Hidan, to this day... Still had the same nightmeare over and over again...

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Strange chapter. Sorry it took so long to update... School is a bitch! 

Please review?!


	11. promise and the threat

COTK: Okay... Thiss is a little while after the whole dream sequence takes place... So... Heeereee you goes!!!

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ch11: The promise and the threat

Deidara and Itachi... alone in a cell in the basement of the Akatsuki base, accidentally being locked there when the door closed and locked behind them after they where ordered to clean the cells by Pein. And not only where they alone in the cells... But the entire base as well... ince no one wanted to be around when the two started arguing later on about whose method of cleaning was better than the others...

Deidara slowly turned his head up towards Itachi, who was standing over him and against the same wall that he was sitting against. "Hey, Itachi..." Itachi looked down at him. Deidara also looking down

"What?" No answer. "What do you want, Deidara?" No answer again, so he waits a couple minutes. "What is it?" He was finally getting impateint with the blondes silence. Deidara simply looked back up at him, frowning slightly.

"Nevermind, yeah..." Was his soft reply, the smell and cold of the cells was finally getting to him.

"Start moving..." Itachi said with a smirk. This caught Deidara's attention instantly.

"Start moving...? Where to, yeah?" Itachi's smirk grew more mischevious. Deidara got slightly wide eyed at the look on the raven's face.

"Nothing... It was a quote if got from a one-shot fanfiction that I read a while ago." He said, looking away and back at the opposite wall.

"Oh, Sleep Deprivation, yeah?" Itachi nodded, not saying anything. "I've read that one, yeah..." Itachi sent him an amused look.

"Oh?" Deiara only noded, not breaking the slight eye contact. "What did you think of it?"

"Why, yeah?" Itachi shrugged.

"Just wondering... 'Yeah'..."

"... It was interesting, yeah..."

"Interesting? Hn." Itachi rolled his eyes, "Fine. You're giving me a headache."

"And you like the headaches i give you..." Deidara said, smiling slightly, Itachi gave him a slight warning glare. "Because imma genius..."

"Im smarter than you, Deidara."

"I never said you weren't, yeah..."

"But, I'm sayin I am. You fell right into that one Deidara..." Itachi said, crossing his arms slowly.

"Yes I did, yeah..." Deidara admitted quietly, loking down at his feet again. "At least I know when I do something wrong..."

"At least I dont do anything wrong..."

"Yeah you do, un..."

"That is the way of the Shinobi, Deidara. You can't afford to make mistakes. The consequence is death or fatal injury." He looked down at the blonde slowly, taking in his image and position quietly. "Speaking of which... Hows the wound you got from Hidan?"

"Hows your face?"

"Beautiful" Itachi smirked again. "But I was making a point, idiot." Itachi said, shaking his head slightly.

"You are the idiot, yeah..." Itachi 'Hmphed' causing Deidara to look back up at him. "Are you making fun of me, yeah...?"

"No... " Itachi sent him a smile, acompanied by a small laugh.

"You fucking blow job, yeah" Deidara grubted.

"I would say this is a Touche' moment, wouldnt you?"

"No..." Deidara glared up at him, Itachi sending an even worse glare towards him. Then Deidara looked back down and quietly started mumbeling the lyrics of a dirty song he heard from Hidan, "Suck my dick suck my mother fuckin' dick dick... Suck my dick suck my mother fucking mother fuckin..." It was louder than he had anitioually(sp) meant it to be.

"Im not gay, Deidara... Im sorry.. So stop singing..."

"Why?" Deidara protested.

"Because I said so..."

"And if I dont, yeah?"

"I'll make you wish you where dead..."

"I'm gonna glomp you..." Deidara said on a randome compusion.

"You'll wish you hadn't.." Th blonde smirked.

"I already do, yeah..." He stood up, the smell was really getting to him... And he threw his body onto Itachi's, almost making the x-Konoha ninja fall over, wrapping his legs around Itachi's waiste to keep him up.

"Get off... No..." Itachi warned under his breath.

"Nope, un..."

"Im defianately going to hurt you..."

"And i will lick your face, un..."

"... Are you hitting on me, Deidara...?"

"Are you, yeah?"

"Dont ask a question you cant answer yourself..."

"Look whos talkin, yeah..." Deidara smirked, realizing how much he got under the Uchiha's skin.

"Answer the question..."

"You." Was the blondes only reply, Itachi sighed.

"Would it make a difference to you if I was or wasn't?"

"Would it make a difference to you if I was or wasn't, yeah...?"

"Unless you are truthful with the decision, Deidara... But to answer you on your last question... No it wouldnt make a difference..."

"So why you wanna know so badly?" Deidara leaned his head back, looking at Itachi in the eyes. Itachi, resisting all temptation to just ravage the blonde then and there the best he could, simply returned the gesture. Lightly holding onto Deidara's hips to also keep im up, making Deidara slightly blush and turn his head to the side.

"Because Im asking you..."

"Well.. Im asking you, yeah... Why do you want to know so badly?"

"Deidara... Just answer me..."

"Why?"

"Because it seems like you are... Just want to make sure... You know.. The glomping, and... Licking... But then again... It is you..."

"Whats that saposed to mean, yeah?"

" You show to much emotion.. And i personally think that you are purposefully trying to get under the rest of the Akatsuki's skin..."

"I dont like your attitude..."

"Live with it... Because until someone realizes we arent up yet... Its all you will know..."

"Hmph..." Deidara furrowd his brow slightly, legs un-wrapping themselves fro the raven's waiste and stood straight on the ground again. Wretching out of Itachi's grasp and walking away from him and sitting on the bed across the cell.

"Only girls make that noise, Deidara..."

"Im not a fucking girl, Itachi!!"

"Then stop acting like it.." Deidara just simply sighed and looked away.

"You are hopeless, Tach..."

"And whys that?"

"You just are..." Deidara put his hands down at his side and leaned back slightly.

Itachi gave him a look and stepped closer to the bed, Deidara looked up at him after hearing the sound of the footsteps, "Explain your meaning, Deidara..." He said, stopping when he was hovering over him.

"Make me, yeah..."

"If you want this to come out in your favor... You'll tell me why im... 'Hopeless'..."

"You already know, yeah..." Deidara said, slowly scooting back until he was almost against the wall.

"Then refresh my mind..." Itachi said quietly, leaning forward so he was at eye level with the blond.

"Eh... Its not important..." Deidara said, almost nervously that he said the wrong thing to the wrong person.

"Then bore me..." Itachi said, pinning Deidara to the wall behind him, while straddeling his legs.

"No..." Itachi put one of his hands around Deidara's chin.

"Dont defy my orders... Deidara..."

"And if I do, yeah?"

"I'm sure you can pick out your own punishment..." Itachi whispered, leaning forward so the blond could hear it.

"Hn..." Deidara looked away. Only to have it being grabbed by Itachi again and forced him to look at him.

"Tell me what it is..."

"I dont know... It was random..."

"I wont mind if it was, I just want to know..."

"No..."

"Do I need to coax it out of you?" Itachi asked, his hands moved down his sides, resting on Deidara's hips. "Tell me."

Deidara was silent, trying to think of a way he could get out of this situation with out getting himself killed in the process.

"Are you going to tell me.. Or not?" Itachi grew impatient again.

"I dont know... Am i?" Itachi frowned more.

"Are you challenging me?"

"Maybe..." Itachi gave him a perplexed look, before leaning forward next to his ear.

"If it is, then I accept..." He said, lightly nipping at the ear. Deidara just blinked. "Are you going to tell me yet Deidara, or do I need to 'Coax' it out of you more?"

"Nope..." Was exactally the oppostite of what Deidara really meant to say. Itachi's hand started playing at the blonds sides, until they felt the hem of his shirt, teasing the skin slightly with his fingertips. Deidara shifted uncomfertably for a few seconds. Itachi slightly snorted amusedly, before continuing to push up the shirt to Deidara's chest, still brushing fingertips along his sides and front, closing his mouth over his ear. Nipping and sucking it.

"Tell me..."

"Why do you wanna know so bad, yeah...?"

"Because i want to know what it has to do with me... You said it was random... I want to know what was random about it..."

"Later, yeah... When I think of a reason that it could be RANDOM!"

"When exactally is later, Deidara?" Itachi leaned back to look at him.

"Later!"

"Hn..."

"Hn, yourself..."

"No..."

"No what?" Deidara asked, closing his eyes and sticking his tongue out. Itachi took the time to open his mouth slightly, crashing his lips against the blond's, while sucking on the tongue and preventing it from going back into Deidara's mouth.

Deidara's eyes widen and he started to struggle against the stronger and older man, who held him close with a hand behind his head and the other pushing against his lower waiste, holding him almost still.

Deidara's face grew red when Itachi showed no sign of just stopping there, pulling the shirt above his head and leaving a trail of saliva and kisses down his chest.

Itachi held Deidara's wrists down above his head when he started pushing against his shoulders, continuing to go lick against his nipples slowly, closing his eyes.

"... 'Tachi... Stop, yeah..." Deidara whimpered slightly, when Itachi grunted and bit down on the nipple that was curently in his mouth at the moment, Trying desperately to get his arms free not noticing when Itachi forced him into a laying position and tugging on his pants.

Pinning his legs down so he wouldnt kick him or anything, Itachi pulled Deidara's hands above his head again with one hand, and pulled the clothing down past the blond's thighs roughly. Earning another desperate wimper from Deidara.

"Itach, what are you doing?" Deidara's sentence was but short when Itachi slammed hi lips on his with bruising force. The blonde moaned against him, closin his eyes slightly, until he remembered who it was exactally that he was with at the moment. Turning his hip to the side as Itachi pushed his hand underneath him and forced his back to arch up against him.

Itachi rubbed his own hip against Deidara's already slightly hardened dick, earning another moan from the younger man, slinding his tongue into Deidara's mouth and rubbing it against Deidara's very slowly. Deidara tried pulling his head away from Itachi but coulndt on accord of the beds matress being directly under him. Itachi pushed his body weight onto Deidara and slowly began rolling his hips in sharp thrusts, attempting to get Deidara more harder. And it was working.

Each time Itachi grounded against him, Deidara had to bite his tongue in order to hold back any sound that would let him know that what he was doing was working.

Itachi began to become impatient again, stopping all movement and sitting back up looking down at Deidara squarely. He gave the blond a wry smirk and progressively went lower onto him, licking at the hardened erection in front of him. Lapping up the pre-cum that slowly leaked out of the tip. Moaning quietly as the unique flavor hes waited so long to taste slowly rolled down his throat.

Deidara closed his eyes tightly as Itachi ebgulfed him whole within the hot confines of his mouth and began sucking sharply. Slowly his struggle started lessening once he realized that there was a slim to none chance that he could actually get Itachi to stop and stay in one piece while not managing to anger the Uchiha too much, all at the same time. He realized he was fucked... Litterally.

Deidara arched up against the hotness slightly, his hands balling into tight fists as he resisted the moan that threatened to escape at any second.

He kept making akward noises until Itachi gave a particular hard suck,and Deidara groaned, moaned, yelled, or made some other unknown erotic sound, bucking his hips to reach deeper in the hot mouth. Itachi, who had thought Deidara was going tohold a bit longer, was taken back by the cry out, and had a shiver run down his spine. His pants felt a little tight, he noticed.

Hee let go of the blonds wrist slowly, noticing after a while that Deidara wasnt going to fight him any more, he reached down slightly and pulled on the hem of Deidara's pants, pulling them down completely. Discarding them and his own onto the floor. Slowly, Itachi positioned himself at the blondes entrance, getting the okay from Deidara and thrusting inside of him.

Not waiting fo him to ajust before pulling nearly all the way out and thrusting back into him. Deidara grimaced in slight discomfort: Itachi was a bit different sized than Hidan was, not in width, but length, letting him reach further into him. Itachi began pounding at a quick speed, rolling over onto his back, Deidara sat and rocked his hips froward and back, tilting his head back quickly as Itachi grasped his hips roughly, bucking up into the blond ontop of him, making Deidara moan out loudly as Itachi's pulsating cock hit the bundle of nerves in his back.

Itachi nearly came when Deidara slumped over him and moaned his name in Itachi's ear, Rolling his hips in irrehular patterns: Deidara was close. The older Uchiha growled deep within his chest, bucking at a new wild speed.

Itachi sat up, causing Deidara to fall over backwards. Quickly flipping the blond over onto his stomach, he grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled, forcing his back to arch while placing the other hand on Deidara's hip.

Thrusting deeper, harder and faster into him, Deidara grunted and cried out loudly, pushing his hips back onto Itachi roughly. Almost missing his spot on purpose when Itachi pulled him up more and began sucking and biting on his neck, leaving little marks all over.

Deidara, placing one hand ontop of Itachi's, and the other was wrapped around his straining cock and began fisting himself roughly, trying to come as Itachi sped up his pace and pounded into him harder and deeper, making him cry out in ecstacy and roll his hips wildly. Bucking for more friction and pleasure.

Itachi leaned into the blonde, removing his hand from the golden hair and wrapped it around Deidara's hand and erection, pumping uncomfertably slow and Deidara squeezed tighter.

Breathing not being able to catch up with their hands pace, his back arched and he threw his head back. "Haa... 'Tahaachi... Going to Haa ha come." Deidara breathed, his nails digging into the skin on Itachi's hand as both of their hands moved faster up and down the upright shaft. Itachi picked up the pace in his thrusts as he continued sucking on Deidara's neck.

Deidara came onto Itachis hand and his own chest. Both panting heavily, trying to catch their breath, Itachi turned Deidara to face him and captured his lips with his own. Pushing his tongue into Deidara's mouth, Deidara moanded into the mouth and began sucking on the pink muscle.

Itachi layed them both dwon, pulling Deidara's legs over his shoulders and slowly began thrusting again. Deidara placed a hand on the Uchiha's jaw, the other in his hair, lightly pulling on the onyx strands. Itachi licked down the blond's jaw line and nibbled on the lobe of his ear.

Whispering dirty words to him, coming closer to the edge of coming, coming even closer when Deidara arched his back and moaned, "Aah, haa-ha ah, faster, Itachi... Harder. Haa aah!"

The older Uchiha smirked and gladly accepted the request, making the mad bomber become rock hard again, bucking back up against the older man. Itachi grasped onto Deidara's hips roughly, grinding deep to the hilt into Deidara slowly, the blond reached down and started fondeling the older mans balls, his hand sliding across them slowly.

Itachi groaned, grinding his hips into the other's and bucking in his hand for further contact.

Deidara continued sucking on Itachi's tongue, letting his slide into the Uchiha's mouth and flicked it around the others. Them both coming close to release when Itachi's dick slid across the blond's prostate. Causing him to arch up and cry out his name.

Another wave of pleasure coursed through Itachi when the other arched up to him. Itachi moved his mouth from Deidara's, placing it in the crook of the boys neck, teeth latched to the others shoulder. Every time the member slid over that particular area, the blond would moan his name and give his hips a rough jerk to meet the other.

After a few more thrusts upward, they both finally came at the same time. Itachi collapsed onto Deidara, catching his breath as he pulled out of the blond. Deidara sat up, straddeling his hips and looking down at the boy.

Deidara then started getting this feeling that Hidan was going to comedown in the cells and find them there, and began panicing, breathing heavily and looking around, "Get off me Itachi, yeah. Now, please!"

Itachi gave him a little confused before smirking like a cat, "No." And he layed full length on the other. The blond began struggeling under the weight oth the older man, pushing on his chest trying to get him off.

Deidara's hands went to Itachi's face, nails digging into the flesh as the younger pushed on it, Itachi grabbed onto the slender wrists and moved them away from him, he put more weight onto Deidara when he tried kicking him off.

"Enough of this foolishness, what is your problem, Deidara?" Itachi was glaring at the youth, curious of his sudden change in attitude.

"Get off Itachi... Get off, now! Now... Please?" Deidara struggled more from under Itachi but the Uchiha wasnt giving up so easily on it. Deidara almost managed to get free, but Itachi forced him back down.

"I asked why are you acting like this, answer me..." Itachi ordered, leaning his head on him, pushing his legs inbetween Deidara's.

"Hi-hidan, yeah.. Please get off, yeah?" Itachi looked down at him, his previous smirk disapeared as he remembered the religous freak as well.

"What about him?" Itachi's voice was cruel all of a sudden. "He's on a mission right now."

"He's not going to be happy abo-" He was cut off by Itachi snorting.

"Happy about what? You letting me fuck you?... You're right. Hes not going to be to happy about that..." He glared harder and grabbed the blonds jaw and forced him to look at him. "Now, stop struggeling, Deidara. Im not going to tell him." He forced a kiss onto the blond. "On one condition... You and me.. Any time and andy where." He smirked at the look on Deidara's face. But he didnt expect the answer he got.

"No... Tell him if you want... But im not going to let you use me, yeah..."

"Dont you care about what his reaction will be, Deidara?"

"No... Just get off me, yeah."

Itachi sneered at him, before pushing himself off of Deidara, using his chest to help him up. "What ever."

Deidara watched him as he got all the way off of him and put his pants back on. Deidara also re-clothed himself sitting back down on the bed once he finnished. Itachi walked to the other side of the cell. Staring, more like glaring, at the blond. Deidara turned from him again, a depressed look on his face, staring at the ground.

Not being able to prevent himself, he fell asleep while leaning on the wall.

---

"Oi! Mornin, Dei!" Deidara was shook awake by a familiar voice that he longed for, yet dreaded at the same time. Hidan was home.

Sleep filled eyes cracked open to the athiest. He was so unaware, judging by his look, of what happened last night between him and Itachi. And, just as he thought of him. He searched around, but the Uchiha wasnt in the cell. The bomber turned back to the grinning Hidan and threw himself on him.

Hidan blinked, a curious look came across his face as he slowly patted the blonds back. "Uh... You alright?" He asked after awhile, Deidara just nodded his head and closed his eyes slightly. They then made their way up to Hidan's room. Where both of them fell asleep almost instantly.

Deidara, before submitting himself to a dreamless sleep, thought he could tell Hidan some other time of what happened. When the man was tied to a chair. When the man was tied to a chair and Deidara was talking to him on a phone. When the man was tied down to a chair with chains, scyth no where in sight, and Deidara was talking to him on a phone in a totally different region. Oh yeah, Hidan will definiately not take the news lightly at all.


	12. place title here

COTK: Okay, this chapter is going to have a four part sequence, meaning that i am going to make five parts to it, but they will be in different chapters than the other parts. For shorter end results. And thanks to all the people that reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it alot, and I will be sure to use all the suggestions in thes chapter, but the order and which part they will be in will be unknown.

For the most part... Me and Nichi are at the moment, writing at least ten other fanfics at the moment, and have been neglecting them for the most part. We really need to begin writing on them again, so uploadation will be a little more slow than we would orrigonally hope.

And to all clashofthemorons66 fans, i am sorry to say that production this year will be the most minimle of them all, although, we will be having X-mas specials of these stories: Clash of the morons, troublesome, and something else, You guys decide on which one. XD!

Reviewers i am thanking: ALL OF THEM!!!! Thanks you guys!

Well... Until further notice... I will let you read chapter twelve now!!!

* * *

Troublesome dont cut it any more, dumbass

ch12

Pt1: Dark that follows

Pein had told Hidan to collect and rplace the tapes from the dungeons, so now, Hidan was standing on a chair in one of the cells, hands above his head, pulling the newly used up video tape from the back of the camera. Stepping off the chair, dropping the recorded cassette into a box with others, and reached into the bx with blanks.

Grunting, he stepped onto the chair again and pushed the tape in, closing the lid. Hidan closed the cell door behind him and went into the last one he ad to do. Repeating the previous actions before heading back up the metal lined concrete stairs to go back up and watch Death note like he originally planned to do in the first place.

Hidan smirked, dropping the box of tapes infront of Pein's door and walked to go find Deidara.

Placing his hand on the handle of the door to his and the blonde's room, he stopped after hearing a grunt and hollow thud. Followed by, "Get off me, Itachi, yeah."

Curious to know what was going on, Hidan slowly opened the black door to find that Itachi was ressed up against Deidara, holding his arms above his head. Leaning his head on on the blonde's shoulder and bitting on his neck roughly.

Deidara cringed and tried pushing Itachi off him. But of corse; its Itachi we are talking about. Deidara was still over powered from the dongeons. There was no hope for the blonde now. Like there was some way of sencing the Jashinist's chakra, the Uchiha smirked, placing both of Deidara's hands in one oof his, and snaked his free hand down to Deidara's right inner thigh and began rubbing it with his thumb.

And in a mere second, Itachi was pressing his lips against Deidara's and forcing his tongue into the blonde's mouth. Hidan growled, deep in his throut, picked up his syth that he set down earlier that morning, walked over to the two and lifted the three blades over his head. Slowly, he began to bring his arm down, not noticing Itachi turn them both around, facing the immortal, and wrappedan arm tightly around Deidara's thin neck. The Uchiha smirked.

Deidara flinched, closing his eyes tightly to prepare for the incoming assault. But none ever came. The sythe had stopped inches from the two, Hidan was frozen to the spot, eyes wide.

Suddenly, Itachi dissapeared in a puff of shadow clone smoke. Deidara and Hidan were left alone, standing there, Deidara looking down with a sad look of regrett and what not..

"Dei..." Hidan stepped forward, but stopped just infront of him, not knowing what to say or do...

COTK: Okay, thats pt1 of chapter 12! Short I know... But its better to get it out of my system! I've always wanted to do a part1/2/3/4/5 of a story i work on... Thanks again for the reviews!


	13. pt1: dark that follows

COTK: Okay, this chapter is going to have a four part sequence, meaning that i am going to make five parts to it, but they will be in different chapters than the other parts. For shorter end results. And thanks to all the people that reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it alot, and I will be sure to use all the suggestions in thes chapter, but the order and which part they will be in will be unknown.

For the most part... Me and Nichi are at the moment, writing at least ten other fanfics at the moment, and have been neglecting them for the most part. We really need to begin writing on them again, so uploadation will be a little more slow than we would orrigonally hope.

And to all clashofthemorons66 fans, i am sorry to say that production this year will be the most minimle of them all, although, we will be having X-mas specials of these stories: Clash of the morons, troublesome, and something else, You guys decide on which one. XD!

Reviewers i am thanking: ALL OF THEM!!!! Thanks you guys!

Well... Until further notice... I will let you read chapter twelve now!!!

* * *

Troublesome dont cut it any more, dumbass

ch12

Pt1: Dark that follows

Pein had told Hidan to collect and rplace the tapes from the dungeons, so now, Hidan was standing on a chair in one of the cells, hands above his head, pulling the newly used up video tape from the back of the camera. Stepping off the chair, dropping the recorded cassette into a box with others, and reached into the bx with blanks.

Grunting, he stepped onto the chair again and pushed the tape in, closing the lid. Hidan closed the cell door behind him and went into the last one he ad to do. Repeating the previous actions before heading back up the metal lined concrete stairs to go back up and watch Death note like he originally planned to do in the first place.

Hidan smirked, dropping the box of tapes infront of Pein's door and walked to go find Deidara.

Placing his hand on the handle of the door to his and the blonde's room, he stopped after hearing a grunt and hollow thud. Followed by, "Get off me, Itachi, yeah."

Curious to know what was going on, Hidan slowly opened the black door to find that Itachi was ressed up against Deidara, holding his arms above his head. Leaning his head on on the blonde's shoulder and bitting on his neck roughly.

Deidara cringed and tried pushing Itachi off him. But of corse; its Itachi we are talking about. Deidara was still over powered from the dongeons. There was no hope for the blonde now. Like there was some way of sencing the Jashinist's chakra, the Uchiha smirked, placing both of Deidara's hands in one oof his, and snaked his free hand down to Deidara's right inner thigh and began rubbing it with his thumb.

And in a mere second, Itachi was pressing his lips against Deidara's and forcing his tongue into the blonde's mouth. Hidan growled, deep in his throut, picked up his syth that he set down earlier that morning, walked over to the two and lifted the three blades over his head. Slowly, he began to bring his arm down, not noticing Itachi turn them both around, facing the immortal, and wrappedan arm tightly around Deidara's thin neck. The Uchiha smirked.

Deidara flinched, closing his eyes tightly to prepare for the incoming assault. But none ever came. The sythe had stopped inches from the two, Hidan was frozen to the spot, eyes wide.

Suddenly, Itachi dissapeared in a puff of shadow clone smoke. Deidara and Hidan were left alone, standing there, Deidara looking down with a sad look of regrett and what not..

"Dei..." Hidan stepped forward, but stopped just infront of him, not knowing what to say or do...

COTK: Okay, thats pt1 of chapter 12! Short I know... But its better to get it out of my system! I've always wanted to do a part1/2/3/4/5 of a story i work on... Thanks again for the reviews!


	14. pt2: the persuit

COTK: Okay, this chapter is going to have a four part sequence, meaning that i am going to make five parts to it, but they will be in different chapters than the other parts. For shorter end results. And thanks to all the people that reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it alot, and I will be sure to use all the suggestions in thes chapter, but the order and which part they will be in will be unknown.

For the most part... Me and Nichi are at the moment, writing at least ten other fanfics at the moment, and have been neglecting them for the most part. We really need to begin writing on them again, so uploadation will be a little more slow than we would orrigonally hope.

And to all clashofthemorons66 fans, i am sorry to say that production this year will be the most minimle of them all, although, we will be having X-mas specials of these stories: Clash of the morons, troublesome, and something else, You guys decide on which one. XD!

Reviewers i am thanking: ALL OF THEM!!!! Thanks you guys!

Well... Until further notice... I will let you read chapter twelve now!!!

* * *

Troublesome dont cut it any more, dumbass

ch12

pt2 the pursuit

Pt2 The pursuit

"Alright. We are on a man hunt, yeah..." Deidara said quietly, holding a paintball gun up to his chest, loading it with red paint balls. It was him, Hidan, Tobi, and Pein on a team going up against; Itachi, Kisame, Konan, and Zetsu... Kakuzu was the reff...

Yes, yes. Deidara was feeling better about the earlier ordeal with Itachi, Hidan had only asked a few questions, getting a couple answers, luckily.

Deidara cocked his gun. Pulling the plastic and rubber red goggles over his eyes.

"Sempai... Whats our game plan?... Since you're the leader of this group... I thought you would at least have one..." Tobi asked, explaining his reasons for the silly question when the blond sent him a Deidara's glaring at Tobi because he said something stupid again, looks.

"We only have one enemy..." Hidan began, assigning himself the role of game plan planner, "And we go into his rooms when he least expects it, and rip his head off and feed it to the crows..." His smirk, Deidara sent him a warning glance so he frowned again and turned back into Hidan.

--------

Deidara had made eight small clay birds, filling all of them with five balls of pain before they formed, automatically the balls had been crushed turning the birds red, and givin each member of his team two. In case of emergencies. They didnt give out a big explosin... Only a small one. That spread the paint around...

They split up into teams of two. Tobi went with the only one who was used to him enough to stand his Tobi-ness. Pein and Hidan went together. And they split up. Hidan and Pein going left and the other two going right.

Hallways were darker then thery normally would be, the Akatsuki was quiet. Waiting. Listening. Watching. Making it seem like an all out war between the criminals. Only the crunch and patter of footsteps were heard as the opponents stealthily wlaked through the catacombs and rooms. Searching for the enemies. Ready to fire at will.

Dodging the crossfire, Hidan and Pein ran into the kitchen, jumping onto one of the cupboards, waiting for the black ops team.

Peins red eyes scanned the surrounding area, his glare grew deeperas Konan walke through the door, turning as she heard a noise behind her.

Pein nodded, Hidan quickly aimed his gun at the black padded vest, quickly shooting three paintballs at her back.

"Oh, fuck..." Konan quietly growled after looking up at the two waving at her.

Quicker than expected, almost every one was shot. All save for Itachi and Deidara. They now searched for eachother. The other teams captives following closely behind him; they took the other team members captive after getting them out. Itachi was also behing followed by the three dead men from the other team. Hidan was subconcieously keeping an eye on Itachi's actions.

Deidara crouched down low to the ground, the three captives spread out after he did; they were saposed to do that incase they had a runin. Kakuzu added a few extra twists to the game. This one was to confuse the enemy if the came near. One of his two birds unnoticeably scampered off to creat a sneek attack on Itachi.

The blonde rolled onto his stomach, aiming the gun at Itachi's vest and waited for the perfect moment. When it came... It came fast!

Deidara's bird exploded behind the raven, Itachi turned around. Deidara shot him in the back. And shot up excitedly, hands flying in the air.

"ART IS A BANG,UN!!!" He yelled, but frowned when Itachi disapeard in a cloud, and tapped his shoulder with the barrel of his gun. Deidara turned around wide-eyed and suprized.

"Got ya, un..." Itachi mocked, pulling the trigger of the gun. the force causing Deidara to fall backwards, rubbing the area of his chest where the mouth was.

"Owe, yeah. Thats gonna leave a bruise, un..." He said aggitatedly, glaring up at the Uchiha. Itachi only smirked and walked away, disgaurding the combat articals before walking away.

COTK: OKAY! FINALLY I GOT DONE WITH THIS! GAWD! ITS TAKEN A WHILE! BUT ENJOY!!! REVIEWS WOULD BE NOISILY NICE AND SHMOOGLY!


	15. SUPER SPECIAL CHAPTER OF FREAKIN' OUT!

COTK: Okay, this chapter is going to have a four part sequence, meaning that i am going to make five parts to it, but they will be in different chapters than the other parts. For shorter end results. And thanks to all the people that reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it alot, and I will be sure to use all the suggestions in thes chapter, but the order and which part they will be in will be unknown.

For the most part... Me and Nichi are at the moment, writing at least ten other fanfics at the moment, and have been neglecting them for the most part. We really need to begin writing on them again, so uploadation will be a little more slow than we would orrigonally hope.

And to all clashofthemorons66 fans, i am sorry to say that production this year will be the most minimle of them all, although, we will be having X-mas specials of these stories: Clash of the morons, troublesome, and something else, You guys decide on which one. XD!

Reviewers i am thanking: ALL OF THEM!!!! Thanks you guys!

Well... Until further notice... I will let you read chapter twelve now!!!

Ch 13 SUPER SPECIAL CHAPTER OF FREAKIN' OUT !

COTK: WOOHOO! ENJOY ALL MY FAITHFUL FANS AND READERS!!!!

* * *

Deidara stalked out of the hallway, into... DUN DUN DUN!!!! The kitchen. Lookin' for something. What shall that be? 

A. A cookie?

B. A flag?

C. A Hidan who was sleeping?

or D. My left big toe?

Contrary to most of all of your popular beliefs... He was looking for E. and F... Oreos and Rice... He just happened to stumble acrossed an unsuspecting sleeping Hidan in a chair. Thus giving him an idea. And dont worry... The oreo's where mint... So no harm done to the Oreochimaru's of the world...

Yes. This should prove to be interesting... Deidara let out a dark chuckle that only a dude named Tobi would be afraid of. So he went to the fridge. Got a can of whipped cream and feather. The hell? Why was a feather in the fridge?

Oh well... That wasnt important. At least it was there...

So This wonderful scheme of Deidara's... What shall it be?

A. The famous whipped cream on the hand and tickle the nose?

B. Put the whipped cream in his pants?

C. Make a hat and put the feather in it?

D. All of the above?

Well... As some but not most (probably) have guessed... It was D... BECAUSE! Deidara had found 2 feathers... So it was possible... He just saved the cream down the pants and hand tickeling for last. Spooky, ne?

Any whoser... It all happened like this...

One faithful, in Hidan's oppinion, Hidan had decided to take a chance at total humiliation by going to sleep in the kitchen... BAD MOVE!

Because, not much longer than a few minutes after he fell asleep did Deidara manage to walk into the kitchen looking for the afore mentioned things from the fridge, and look back at him with an evil terrorist bomber for hire smirk.

Going over the things and possibilities in his head, as Hidan let out a painfuly loud snore, his smirk grew. (A/N: I never mentioned that Hidan snores in this... Have I?) He slowly and quietly walked over to the Jashinist and shook the spray can o' whipped Cream.

Then he quickly set off to work, not noticing the slowly growing audience he was getting. And of corse... This being Deidara, he made Hidan's face, head and hands (You'll see!) a work of art.

Tobi squeeled when he realized what his senpai was doing, but everybody gave him a death glare and 'shhed' him. Hidan was a light sleeper... Thats why Deidara never got away with sneaking ou of the room. Deidara was amazed he didnt hear and feel the cream coming out of the can...

Then came the moment of truth... Placing one of the feathers in the hat he had made, he slowly reached over with the other one and waved it slowly under his nose. A few seconds later and...

Hidan's nose twitched a couple times then the loudest sneeze emitted from the imortal and both hands came up to cover his mouth and nose. Then he got the suprize of his life.

He opened his eyes once he heard slight chuckeling from behind him to see Tobi, Itachi, Kakuzu, Konan, Zetsu, Kisame, and even Leader standing in the doorway. He then heard a very badly supressed laugh from behind him and turned to see Deidara holding his hands behind his back with the oddest expression on his face.

He then looked down at his hands to see they where white. He wasnt clueless ay more.

And...

One important aspect of the situation Deidara failed to notice was, that Hidan's scythe was leaning against the table. His blue, un-covered eye widen with fear as Hidan grabbed it and stood up quickly. Even though he was scared shitless of the events that might befall him for his actions, he still couldnt help but manage a small laugh on Hidan's behalf.

The chas began in an instant. Hidan lunged for the blond, landing on his back for Deidara started running away. Instantly, rubbing his hands all over Deidara's face in order to get it covered.

Deidara didnt like the idea of Hidan deliberately messing up his face. So he turned to face him, licked some of the protruding whipped cream off of his and screamed a very loud pitched screamy nois in the imortals ear and ran away to hide in Tobi's room of pink doom.

What amazingly horrifying thing did Deidara see in this room?

A. A mongoose?

B. A rabbit man tied up in the closet?

C. Flying hippies?

D. Poo?

E!. Hidan already sitting in the room?

If you guessed a through E... You are probbably right... He saw all of them... The pooh was the mongooses and rabit mans... As for the hippies... Who gives a tuna filled ass of a rat?

Hidan on the other hand... WAS sitting in the room... In the closet with the rabit man name Aki... Yes. You guessed it!!! He sacrificed the poor half breed...

Now you readers get to choose who Deidara chooses to save him from the wrath of Hidan...

A. Tobi?

B. Konan?

C. Suigetsu?

D. Lake Taho?

E. My mom?

F. Hidan himself

G. Orochimaru

H. Dakota?

I. Mr. cackles the emo beaver?

Or J. COTK?

The fate of Deidaras blonde hair rests on your shoulders... Until then... I will work on my new Cotm story... Toodles!


	16. super special chapter of freakin' out 2

COTK: There has been a majority rule here my people!!!! Mr. Cackles the emo beaver has won by one vote...

Lol i know. Crazy eh? Thanks for voting yall!

* * *

Hidan lowered his sythe. Not expecting the next event to take place the way it did. 

A big esplosion of light, music, odd noises, insane laughing, sleep deprivation, monkeys popping baloons, a flag waving maniacly to every one, and a car crashing into a tree, driver being distracted by the events that just took place.

Hidan blinked, looking at the superficial, shiney demon, in the middle of the road...

The shiney demon began to un-shiney-afy itself and turned out to be just a 14 year old boy-ish looking girl he had ever saw. The opposite of Deidara completely. He was a girly guy. Sh was a guyey girl! SPOOKY, NEH?

Deidara also seemed to blink at the thoughts running through Hidan's mind.

The not so shiney anymore shiney demon turned to face Deidara in an attempt to earn his gratitude and apprecitation.

"Don't worry little boy... I'll buy all your matches!" She said, getting teary eyed at the current events.

"What?" Deidara asked like a crazed moron on crazy crack! ZOMG no way!!!

Hell if I knows...

"I am here to save you from the evils of this imortal man... Dont worry little boy... I'll buy all your matches... Let me sleep!!!!"

"Who the fuck... Are you?" Hidan asked like that one vampire guy in the second episode of Hellsing. Exactally like him... Accent and all.

"My name... Is Mr. Cackles The Emo Beaver, Asswhole!" She said, turning back o Deidara. "But you can call me Nichole..." She smiled.

"Now... Prepare youself!!!!! Gladiator!" She screamed at Hidan, pulling out a book and started reading.

"WTF! Who the (big buzzering noise!) are you saposed to be!?" Hidan AND Deidara yelled in unicon.

"I'm reading!" Cackles yelled, flipping the page of Desperation by Stephen King.

"Okay... Any ways... Where were we Deidara...?" Hidan asked, causing both Cackles and Deidara to look up from the page they where on.

"You where just about to go into a death match and fight to the death because Deidara made you look like Yankie Doodle... Using whipped cream.. The kool-aid brand! OH YEAH!!!!" CaCkLeS said stoopidly.

Hidan grunted and ran forward, sythe still in hand I of all people might add, ready to kill the blonde and sacrifice the emo...

He got to Emo first, almost suceeding in hitting her, but dodged, pulled a Kakashi by saying "That tickles" and pulling another Kakashi by jamming her two index fingers up his butt and yelling "SEXUAL ASSAULT-ADGE!!!!" Sending Hidan flying through the air and against the ceiling.

It made a whole appear in the wall on the opposite side of the room, dont ask me how, i dont know... But it happened.

Deidara gawked at Hidan, who was dangeling there with his shoulders up inside the wall, the rest out. He turned to cackles to see her continuing to read as if nothing happened.

"What the hell did you just do!?!!? And HOW, yeah!?" The blonde was amazed.

"I was assigned by My Negative-Akatsuki Leader to protect you from getting your blonde ass anialated by Sicle boy here..." She said, motioning to Hidan.

"Negative-Akatsuki?" He asked, looking back up at Hidan's stryggeling to get out of the whole body.

"Mhm... It just formed a few seconds before... We follow a cause similar but very opposite indeed to the Positive-Akatsuki. A.K.A. You guys' plan to concqure all with the help of the Bijuu... But.. Now adays... All we have seemed to be able to do is sit around, watching TV and reading books..." She explained. "All our members are the exact opposite of the members in your orginization... They are call the negatives... Naturaly.."

"So... Whose negative are you, yeah?"

"Itachi's..." She said boredly.

"Does that explain the beaver thing?... Being the opposite of a weasle, yeah?" Cackles looked up at him, shaking her head slowly.

"Nope... Beaver represents the fact that my parents where very odd and confused people when I was born.. I just havent gotten around to changing my name yet... To lazy..."

"So... Who is my negative, yeah?"

"Her name is COTK... Looks kinda like you... But with black-ish red hair instead of blonde... Joy was going to send her and Lake Taho instead of me... But they might have started a big fight insted of protected you... Lake Taho is Hidan's negative..." Cackles added, Hidan finally managed to get out of the wall by the end of the word Hidan.

"Who is Joy?" Hidan asked oddly.

"Our Leader... Yeah." Cackles said seriously, Hidan judged a monkey on a porn video.

"Who is the negative Hidan, yeah?" Deidara was a curious monkey today.

"Her name is monkey balls..." That earned a very odd look.

"Zetsu?"

"My mom."

"Your mom is in the orginization...?"

"No... Her name is My Mom.." Cackles said matter of factly.

"Oh.. Thats odd..." Deidara said, looking up at the whole in the wall created by Hidan's mass pounding into it.

"Enough of this bull crap eatin shit!!!" Hidan yelled, getting into serious mad man mood. "Prepare to get analy shanked as i shove this pike up your ass!!!" As if proecting that he had his pike on him, he pulled it out of his cloak.

In the end... Cackles won, protected Deidara, suceeded in her mission of protecting the blonde and met her positive-self... And proceeded in mentally scaring him by raping his brains out... All in all... She defeated Hidan and his immortal self...

All in a days work... She thought as she walked out of the positive plain and back into the negative, clapping her hands together in victory...

* * *

COTK: Okay... NMS wanted me to let yalls know... That Mr. Cackles the Emo Beaver... Is her... So... I let you know... Goooooooooooood bye now. 


	17. unexpected baby

COTk: Well, this took a while for me to get an idea... But I finally did. Then it took me a while to write those ideas down this computer thing, but it was all thanks to black55widow! She has helped alot in finding the ideas...! XD!

Hidan, having a major headache, found himself waking up with his head in someones lap. Looking up, he saw it was Deidara, smiling down at him with closed eyes.

"What happened?" Hidan asked grogily, starting to sit up but Deidara opened his eyes with a glare so he decided not to and layed back down.

"We where visited by a negative Akatsuki member when you where trying to kill me, yeah... And we got an ivitation from Mr. Cackles to visit the negative plane sometime..." nHe said, holding up a purple card.

Writtin on said purple card, was the information- Jutsu- needed to enter said plain of mixed up existance...

Hidan sweat dropped, lookng up at the blonde confusedly again.

"What the fuck do you need that for!?"

"For protection if you ever decide to kill me again, yeah!!" Deidara countered.

"Did you memorise the jutsu yet?" Hidan had a particularily spoofylicious idea. And thats the best kind of idea in the world. Deidara shook his head as if there was a nuclear explosin going off in front of him... Wait.. That would make Deidara happy.

Deidara shook his head as if he was a normal human being and there was a nuclear explosin going off right in front of him.

"Good.." Hidan said, evily. "You have ten seconds to run..." He said, sitting up and waiting. Deidara didn't move, instead he blinked.

"One..." A pause, and smirk. "Two..." Deidara got the hint and bolted out of the room like a ricochet rabbit on crack!

"Ten." Hidan shot up like a bolt of lightening, running out of the room to catch the blond.

What he didn't expect to see was the prey of his standing in the middle of the hall way, seemingly frozen to the spot, and staring ahead.

"Thats not the point of me trying to kill you..."

"If you wanted to kill me.. You would have done it by now, yeah."

"You are a big blond cliche you know that... Any way, what are you doing not running away from me?"

"As if I need a reason to run away from you, you and your stupid scyth!" Deidara didn't turn to face him, instead, Hidan walked up behind him to see what he was looking at.

In the middle of the floor, naked, butt sticking straight in the air, was Itachi, drooling like an idiot.

"Holy fuck.. I think he had a brain fart..." Hidan joked, earning a glare from Deidara.

"Fuck off, yeah... Maybe he's hurt..."

"Why do you care?"

"Because. No matter how much I hate the bastard... I'm not going to laugh at him when he's like this..."

"Why?"

"Because. Itachi never drools like an idiot... He drools, but not like an idiot... Something may be wrong with him... Yeah."

"Let some one else take care of it, Dei..." Hidan said almost pleadingly,not liking the fact that Deidara even remotely cared about the guy. Maybe he was getting jealous... Or maybe it's just me, but who knows.

Hidan placed a hand on the blond's shoulder, but Deidara shrugged it off and walked over to the waesle on the ground.

Hidan glared at the two as Deidara knelt down in front of Itachi and poked him a couple times before placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking him.

"Itachi, yeah..." Dedara mumbled, shaking him again. Itachi let out a grumble of discomfort and his right hand twitched slightly. "Itachi." Deidara tried again.

This went on for a few mnutes before Itachi shook his head quickly, asking, "Is she gone?"

"Is who gone, yeah?"

"The crazy lady who looks a little like me..."

"Cackles? Why do you want to know if sheg gone- Itachi, please cover yourself up, I may have seen you naked before but that doesn't mean it's open for discussion now, yeah." Deidara said as Itachi sat up straight, realising he was naked he quickly buttoned up the front of the cloak.

Deidara on the other hand, went wide eyed at the realization of what he just said. His hand quickly covered his mouth and he let out a gasp of shock.

Did he really say that out loud? Yes he did!

His eyes darted to Hidan, who was leaning against the wall not paying attention to the conversation, but was now looking at the blond intently.

He knew all about the rendezvous of the two, but couldn't believe it. Until Deidara said it outloud.

He straightened up and continued staring at Deidara, Itachi, stood up and thought this would be a great time to get the fuck out of dodge.

So he scadaddled and went to find a new form of comfort... And to see why he was feeling weird.

He seriously had a strange feeling about what happened between him and the negative girl.

Its been a week since it happened. (Yes! It's been a week!)

(A/N: Nice subject change, eh?)

-Two and a half months later-

Kisame laughed a giddy childlike laugh, holding up a box, "Maybe you should try another one!" He said, throwing the box at Itachi, holding his hand over his mouth, trying to conceal anymore laughter from escaping. Itachi glared at him. With a huff he opened the box and pulled out its contents.

"You're enjoying this way too much, you know..." And with that, Itachi stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. Opening it a couple minutes later to a laughing Kisame. "I already tried it seven times... Do you think one more would say any different?"

"No.. But it's funny seeing your reaction when you see the result..." Kisame said, sitting back on the bed he was sitting on. "Becides. If those things actually work as well as they say they do, then you can always give it to some one who wants one... Deidara and Hidan perhaps? I heard them talking about the subject before..."

"Yeah... You're right..." Itachi sighed, sitting on the bed as well, burrying his face in his hands. Mumbeling under his breath, "Is this my punishment...?"

-a half a month later, yall!-

Itachi stood infront of the door to the room that Deidara and Hidan shared for a good long three minutes, going over thoughts in his head. Before knocking, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Was Itachi nervous? Indeedy-doo!

Opening his eyes again, he knocked his fist against the door three times, and no more.

Deidara was heard scrambeling to the door from the other side. Opening it he had a look of suprise come over his face to see Itachi look the way he did. Itachi looked around the room for Hidan.

"He's on a mission at the moment, yeah. What do you need, Itachi?" He asked, voice a little agitated.

"I was hoping Hidan was here as well.. I have something I want to as you... I guess it would be better if Hidan wasn't here, though... Can I come in?" He said low in his throat.

Deidara took a few seconds to reconcider, and nooded, holding the door open for him.

A moments silence filled the air, and Itachi took a breath.

"Are you alright, yeah?"

"Yeah. Why would you ask?"

"Not at the moment, yeah... I mean, for the past few months, yov'e been acting strange, yeah. What's up?"

Itachi took a moment to collect his thoughts, Deidara, being an understanding guy, took the time to patiently wait for an answer.

"You and Hidan have been talking, right?" Itachi said, for the first time not thinking his words through before saying them.

"We always talk, Itachi... What's this about?"

"What I mean is... About..." A long momentary pause, and a deep intake of breath. "Kids?"

"I guess, it has been on our minds, why do you ask?" Deidara said, offering the Uchiha a seat, but Itachi declined the offer and continued to stand.

"Do you want one?"

"Where are you getting at, Itachi?" Deidara said, sitting down at the desk Hidan usually used for sacrifices.

"Do you still want one is where I'm getting at..."

"Why, do you got one, yeah?"

"You have about five months left to decide..." Itachi said, about to leave the room, getting agitated and not wanting to take it out on Deidara. But said blond stopped him with his words.

"Wait, wait wait, yeah... Are you saying that someone in this base is pregnant and doesn't want it?" Deidara laughed at the thought, which agrivated Itachi to no end. He quickly walked over to Deidara, grabbed his chin and forced him to look him in the eyes. Deidara looked at him wide eyed while he was still being glared at.

"Yes, Deidara, THAT is exactally what I am trying to say!" That was the first time Deidara has seen Itachi like that, so all he did was let out a small noise of understanding. "Tell me in two months, or I'm giving it away somewhere else!" He snapped, stomping out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Deidara stared at said door in silence for at least ten minutes before Hidan cheerfully walked into the room, then he proceeded in staring at Hidan.

"What's up?"

"I think Itachi's pregnant... Yeah." He said, still in slight shock of Itachi's attitude. And thinking about it, things about the Uchiha started making more sence than not.

"What?" Hidan asked in disbelief, staring at the blond who was still staring at him.

"Hidan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you want it, yeah?"

"Do I want Itachi's baby?" Hidan asked, a little laugh in his voice, but got thinking when Deidara looked at him seriously. "Well.. I don't know, really... He doesn't want it?" Deidara shook his head in the negative.

"Hm... Do you?" The blond sent him a look.

"Hidan.. You know the answer to that, yeah..." He said.

"Well... We should talk about it before jumping the boat and automatically saying yes, dont you think?" See.. Hidan can be understanding, when the time is right, of corse...

"We've already talked about it... Any way, we need to decide by the end of two months... Or its going somewhere else, yeah."

To Be Continued...


	18. I can't believe I got this far!

COTk: Howdee, y'all!

ch18! I can't believe I've made it this far!

"Deidara, Tobi, I got a new mission for you." Pein said walking into the room, where Deidara, Hidan, Itachi, and Tobi where seated in various recliners. Deidara becide Itachi on the sofa, trying to coax him to lift his shirt up so he can see his now five month bump (XP!)

"Please! Can I just touch it, yeah!?" Deidara whined, sitting on his knees and clapping his hands together, giving him the puppy eyes.

"No!" Itachi objected, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Just fucking let him fucking see the fucking fucker, Fuck!" Hidan yelled.

"Fine..." Itachi glared at the two, pulling up the bottom of his shirt so Deidara could touch his stomach. Deidara imediately placed his had on the smallish bump on the Uchiha's tummy and smiled.

Pein cleared his throat, catching everyones attention. "Tobi! Deidara! I have a new mission for you!" A pause. "Tobi, for the time being... You will be Kisame's partner. Deidara, You will stay with Itachi until his... The bastartd child is born." He said with a glare at being ignored for so long.

"What!?1 That shit is fucked up, Ho!" Guess who said that...?

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

..

.

TOBI DID!

Lol!

"What!? That shit is fucked up, Ho!" Tobi yelled, sitting up straight, "Why does Senpai get to stay with Itachi... You know Itachi has a thing for him..."

"Thanks Tobi..." Itachi grumbled, slapping Deidara's hand away, pulling his shirt back down and crossing his arms. Deidara sent a look to Hidan, who was smiling evily.

"He learns well..."

"Ahem. Well Tobi, it's simple... Deidara and Hidan have agreed to purge the little demon off the weasles hands after the thing is... Excreted from Itachi's stomach... Do you understand?" Pein explained as if he where talking to a small child. Tobi nodded happily.

"Senpai's going to be a mommy!?" He asked with an excited squeel in his voice.

"No.. Itachi is..." Hidan said, squarely.

"Oh. By the way, Tobi you and Kisame have a new mission... Starts tomorrow at noon. Dont forget..." Pein smiled, sneeking out of the room quickly.

-Three and a half months!-

"So you think it's a boy, yeah?" Deidara asked Itachi, who was sitting on the couch next to him. Now eight months into the whole ordeal.

(A/N: You guys are NEVER going to guess who the baby is gonna be!!)

"Mhm."

"How can you tell?"

"I don't know... I just think it might be."

"Oh..." Deidara blinked, watching the x-leaf nin and he sat there, reading as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Reading as if he wasn't pregnant with his negative self's baby. Reading as if he wasn't a criminal. Reading as if he was normal. Reading as if Deidara wasn't staring at him with a perplexed look on his face. Reading as if that's all I got...

"Itachi...?" Deidara said, about an hour later.

"Hm?" Deidara took a breath and a moment to think abouth what he was going to ask for a moment.

"Do you ever regret it, yeah...?" This interested Itachi, he put the book down, open on his stomach, and looked at the blond.

"Regret what, Deidara?" Deidara looked and turned his body away from Itachi, bringing his knees up to his chest.

"You know, yeah... The thing between us in the cell while cleaning..." He said quietly, very very quietly.

"No." Itachi said, frowning. The exact oposite answer Deidara was hoping for. "Do you?"

It took a while for Deidara to answer, but when he did, the responce was un-well thought out. "Well, sometimes. I mean, nothing personal or anything, yeah. But.. I do, and I sort of don't, yeah."

"How so?" Itachi asked, almost sincere, but not quite there yet, sencing that Deidara was having a hard time over this subject.

"Well... I'm not sure, yeah. I guess, I kind of like you, maybe. But that doesn't mean anything, right?" Itachi gave a small small smile, but it disapeared as fast as it came.

"No. It doesn't. I suppose it's natural for some people to start feeling a little something for the person who-" Itachi started, but was cut off by Deidara placing a hand over his mouth.

"Don't say it, yeah, please?" Itachi nodded and Deidara lowered his hand back around his knees. A moments silence passed between the two, before Itachi stood up and dropped his book on the couch cusion. Deidara looked up at him with curiosity.

"Where you goin', yeah." He asked, Itachi looked at him a little disbelieving and annoyed.

"Do you have to know every where I am going?"

"According to leader, yeah..."

"If it makes you feel acomplished... I'm going to the bathroom."

"You just went..." Deidara objected.

"Yeah.. Well, this child keeps pushing against my bladder and its not comfortable..."

"But y-" Deidara was cut off in mid-argue.

"Deidara! stop arguing with the pregnant man!!" Pein yelled from somewhere within the hideout. Then a chuckle followed behind the comment. "I love saying that. Pregnant man!! Itachi you made my day! Pregnant man!"

"Fucker..." Itachi mumbled under his breath, walking to the bathroom after warning Deidara to stay where he was.

Deidara sighed in boredum, leaning his head on the arm of the couch. Hidan came in and sat on said arm, after lifting head of said blond and layed head of said blond on his not said leg, rubbing a hand through the long hair while leaning against the wall behind him.

A couple minutes later, there was a yell ("RAWR!!") heard from the bathroom area and another yell ("WTF Kisame!!") after that.

"I'm sorry! I had to! You where least expecting anything at the moment and its rare to catch you off gaurd." Kisame was heard, defencively.

"I'm peeing, kisame... Who wouldn't be off gaurd while they are peeing!?" Came Itachi's vioce, clearly agitated. Hidan looked back into the hall way with a mocking smile.

"You better not stress him out too much Kisame... That future decipal of Jashin's better not come out for another half month!!" Kisame and Itachi poked their heads out of the bathroom, non-amused looks on their faces, and flipped him off. Hidan only gave a laugh and turned his head back in front of him, to see Deidara glaring up at him. "What?" He asked, not getting why he was being looked at like that in the least bit.

"You're not converting him, yeah..."

"I was kidding... Becides, That is much better than sacrificing it. Right?"

"I think I should get a restraning order, yeah..." Deidara said jokingly, a small smile spread across his face. Hidan childishly stuck his tongue out at the blond, without Deidara seeing it.

Itachi and Kisame came into the living room and sat down on the sofa next to Deidara, who had fallen asleep in the half a minute that nothing was said by him.

"Hm.. I guess he was tired..." Hidan said, brushing the blond hair back behind the younger's ear, lovingly. "He almost looks like a girl..." He joked, silently laughing when Deidara grumbled in his sleep.

"When does he not...?" Kisame asked, not doing anything but sitting on the couch and listening to what was going on.


	19. sai?

COTk: Howdee, y'all!

ch19! Sai?

Deidara woke up one morning to the sound of Tobi yelling in his ear. He opened his eyes to the orange mask and glared at the jumping up and down excitedly missing-whatevervillagehewasfrom-ninja. "What do you want Tobi, un?" He growled unhappily.

"Come on Senpai!! You gotta see this!! Itachi-san said it's important!!" Tobi squealed, pulling Deidara to his feet quickly.

"Where's Hidan, yeah?" He mumbled, not paying attention to the bouncing idiot.

"Don't worry about him Senpai! He is already there." Tobi whined, pulling harder on the blonde's arm.

"Alright, alright, yeah. I'm coming, just let go of me!" Deidara snapped, and Tobi imediately dropped the hand and backed away from the half asleep blond.

"So, whats so important that Itachi can't get someone else to do it?" Deidara asked, following Tobi down the hall quickly. Tobi stopped, turning back to face Deidara with an un-seen look of utter disbelief.

Deidara returned the look with a warning glare.

"No time to talk Senpai, you don't want to miss it!" Tobi squealed again, taking off down the hall in a fast sprint, Deidara following him quickly.

They reached the room Itachi had been staying in for the past month, Tobi opened the door slowly. Upon seeing the sight before him, Deidara was no longer half awake. He was fully awake and at full attention!

Itachi sent him a usual impassive-voidofallemotion-Itachi look. Deidara blinked, shocked and suprized, just staring off into space with his mouth open.

He didnt expect it to be so soon!

"Holy fuck... Un!" He shouted, staring off into space again like a dummy...

* * *

Many many many many many minutes later, Deidara looked down at the small form in his arms with semi wide eyes, a confused look on his face, but a small smile was still present.

He looked up at Hidan with a big smile. It was Hidan, Deidara, and Itachi left in the room.

"I-itachi..." Deidara said, accidentally stuttering the name, but kept the smile on his face. Itachi looked at him with bored eyes. "We, me and Hidan, un. Have been thinking... About you naming him..." His smile slowly started fading when the comment was returned with a hate filled glare.

"Or if you don't want to... We can think of something... Un?" He whispered quietly, slowly stepping towards and behind Hidan.

All Itachi did was let out a big 'I want to be left alone so could you please get the fuck out and stay far far far far away from for the next twelve days' sighs. Deidara blinked again, a look of realization coming over his face.

"Hmmm?... It could work, yeah.." He mumbled looking down again. Hidan, upon hearing the words, looked back at the blondes fixated look and tilted his to the side.

"What could work, Dei?" He asked, Deidara looked up at him with a peacefull smile.

"Sai. Un." Itachi was about ready to chase them out of the room.

"Heh heh... Maybe we should continue this conversation else where. Don't you think?" Hidan said, leading Deidara out of the rooms and to their own.

Closing the door behind him, Hidan got a weird look on his face. "How the fuck can some guy get pregnant by screwing a female!?"

"Cackles was from the negative plane, remember, un?" Deidara smiled. Hidan returned the gesture by nodding.

"Speaking of cackles, yeah. She told me I had to come visit her and the others sometime... Or else..."

"Or else what?" Hidan raised an eye brow.

"I don't know. She just said or else, yeah..."

"Okay. Weird." Deidara sat on the bed, Hidan leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"What's the matter with you, un?" Deidara question after a while of Hidan eyeing the both of them with an odd look. "Come over here, un." He said, patting the bed next to him with one hand.

"That alright..."

A few days later

Itachi looked down at Deidara. More like he looked down at Sai (Yes... Sai! XP!!) with a somewhat glare/barelytherebutsototallytheresmile.

"Hn." He scoffed, crossing his arms and looking away agitatedly.

"Whats up with you?" Deidara asked, looking up at the Uchiha annoyed.

"He looks like Sasuke..."

The silence that followed was crazy scary.

So crazy infact that I got an insane case of writers block and stopped writing until next chapter.

For thos of you who didn't notice it... I ended this chappie...

Until next time folks...!! XP!


	20. Correct Title Inside

**Troublesome Don't Cut it Anymore, Dumbass**

**Ch 20: If I Still Have Any Readers, I'm Gonna Piss Myself From Amazement!**

**COTk: Sorry everyone. . . Life got busy, I completely had no motivation to continue, and I totally and utterly forgot. . . Sorry agai. I am going to be trying to get on a more serious note, -Man has utterly taken my life over, yet again. Bastard that it is! And I'll try to update a story every week or so. But no complete promises. But thank you if you are still interested in this piece of crack!**

Hidan growled softly in the back of his throat as he carried the wailing _thing_ down the hall, making sure that the only part of him that it was touching was his hands as he held the infant away from him. Almost there. . . Almost there. Almost _fucking there! _Goddamnit! Why did that stupid blonde have to take a nap!

Kicking in the door to someones room (he couldn't find any fucks to give as to who's it was), he stomped in, placed Sai on something soft and left. Let that fucker deal with it. . .

Now, finally rid of the loud ass Itachi-spawn, Hidan searched the hall, trying to figure out where his blind rage took him. Good, he was close to his new main objective. . . You know who's room.

Another few good stomps for measure and he was opening the door. Peering in the dimly lit (only because the door was open was it that bright) room, eyes instantly going to the bed. His legs soon followed his eyes, and in no time at all, he was laying on the bed behind the blonde, arm wrapped around the slender torso and face buried in the soft, pale skin of Deidara's neck. His hand finding the younger males, he intertwined their fingers, thumb stroking the soft skin over the blonde's knuckle.

The blonde stirred, turning slightly, eyes open just enough to see who it was behind him. "Hm, Hidan." He mumbled under his breath, eyes closing with a small smile on his face.

After a long moment of silence, with a thousand questions floating through his head, Hidan closed his eyes, thumb continuing to absentminddly stroke the other's hand. He asked the first thing that cam to his mind. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Deidara turned his head again, sleep still clouding his mind. "What do you mean, un?" He asked, raising his free hand up to rub at his eyes. "Tell you what?"

"About Itachi. . ." The Jashinist muttered, the name rolling out of his throat in a low growl.

The blonde tensed in his hold, eyes scowering the room as he searched for an answer. Finding none, he opted instead for "where's the baby, un?"

"Don't change the subject, Deidara." The white haired male hissed, holding the other tighter. "Just tell me why you didn't say anything."

Deidara sighed, muscles relaxing against the upset, religious nut behind him. "Can we please talk about this later, un?"

"How long will that take? Until I forget about it?" Hidan growled again, hand releasing Deidara's, placing it between them, fisting behind Deidara's shoulder blades.

"No. . ." The blonde said, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I-I'm sorry, un. I just. . . Didn't want-" He cut himself off.

"You didn't what?" The only answer was the shaking of Deidara's head, the Jashinist sighed.

Hidan pushed himself up with his arms. Getting on his knees, he pushed the blonde's shoulders until he was laying on his back.

"You didn't what?"

Deidara opened his eyes, but didn't look at the other. Instead, he stared off to his right.

"You didn't want what, Deidara!" Hidan snapped, getting a little fed up with the blonde's stubbornness. The outburst made Deidara jump, but he didn't care. All he wanted was an answer. An answer that Deidara wasn't giving him.

Deidara bit his lip, risking a glance up to the angry violet eyes glowering down at him. "I didn't want you to hate me, un. . ." He said softly, eyes snapping back to the spot they had been glued to before.

Hidan sat back, "fuck. . ." He said,looking away as he rested his weight on the bottom half of his legs. Raising a hand up, he tousled his hand through his white hair, taking a deep breath he looked back to the blonde to find him staring back. With an agitated huff, he seethed "I hate you because you didn't tell me. . ."

Not feeling up to staying to let the bomber say anything, he got up and left the room, a deep set glare on his face. A couple feet down the hall and he stopped, turned and looked back over his shoulder. Had he been too harsh on Deidara? Would Deidara ever speak to him again after this?

He leaned back against the wall, both hands tangling in his hair. He fisted and pulled, wincing as he felt a couple strands rip loose in his hands. He let out a deep throaty growl, turned around and punched the wall. His eyes darted to the left when he heard someone walking down the hall, narrowing. Only deciding that he didn't care when the person was not Itachi or Deidara, he turned and left the area, figuring it best to go find the howler monkey where he left him.

Deidara curled up on his side, eyes filling with tears. He crossed his arms across his chest, and closed his eyes tightly as he sobbed himself into a fitful sleep.

**COTk: Sorry that y'all Lovelies had to wait so long for _that_, but it was the best I could come up with in an hour or two. I am really going to try to see what I can come up with for these two. Hopefully things will get better? Maybe things won't? I really don't know.**

**But, I promise I will _try_ to get the next chapter out sooner than I have been. . . I mean a couple years! That's just horrible!**


	21. Penis Cow

**Troublesome Don't Cut it Anymore, Dumbass.**

**CH 21: Penis Cow**

**COTk: Stupid title for a chapter? I know. But too much seriousness is happening right now, and I can't help myself. Anyways, it's important somewhere in the chapee.**

Hidan glowered as he sat down at the kitchen table, huffing as he devoured the forkful of omelette that he had made. That confrontation with Deidara had not gone how he wanted, and definitely not how he planned.

This was all that stupid Itachi's fault. . .

If he hadn't fucked everything up, none of this would be happening and him and Deidara would be fine.

"You know, Hidan, I should kill you for leaving this brat on my bed last night." Pein said, walking into the room, followed by Konan, who was carrying Sai in her arms. "You're just lucky that Konan's maternal instincts kicked in."

"Yeah, yeah. Bite me. You couldn't kill me even if you wanted to." Hidan growled out, taking another bite of his omelette.

"Who wrapped your tampons in sandpaper?"

"Go fuck yourself, cocksucker. That's who!" The Jashinist yelled, pushing away his plate and laying his head on the table with a loud thud.

"Loos like someone had a little lovers spat." Tobi said, walking into the room, barely dodging the fork that had been aimed at his head, which was now sticking into the door frame.

An intense silence insued, followed by the scraping of chair against floor and the rustling sound of fabric being pinned against something solid.

"Hey, Itachi, hand me that will ya?"

Hidan lifted his head off the table, a murderous glare plastered on his face at the dark haired male sitting across from him.

Calmly, the Uchiha passed Kisame the item he had asked for. Which pissed off the Jashinist even more.

Sitting up straight and slamming both hands down on the table, earning all eyes on him, he stood up, eyes still glued to Itachi. "You," He snarled. Once the crimson eyes fell on him, he growled deep in his throat, "I'm going to fucking kill you!" He snapped, launching himself over the table and at Itachi.

The silver haired man landed on Itachi, sending them both falling towards the floor, where he landed on the younger male's stomach, pinning his arms to the floor with his knees.

"Hidan!" Pein yelled, standing from his seat.

By the time the shock wore off, Hidan was clawing at Itachi's eyes, scratching the skin of his eyelids and cheeks before someone began pulling him off the Uchiha.

"No! Let me kill the fucker!" Hidan yelled, grasping for something on Itachi to latch onto to anchor him down.

During the struggle, the Jashinist's legs lifted off of Itachi's arms. Which gave the raven perfect opportunity to perform the Karyuu Endan (Fire Dragon Flame Projectile) Jutsu, right in Hidan's face, burning and melting the skin and hair.

Hidan held his face in his hands, crumpling over the dark haired man when his captor let him go, letting out a muffled groan of pain.

Taking Hidan's current vulnerability as ample leverage to grab his neck and one of his wrists, switching their positions and pinning him to the ground. "I can't begin to imagine what this outburst of yours is all about, but-."

"It's about you sticking your fucking dick where it doesn't belong!" Hidan yelled, bringing his legs up to kick Itachi away, failing miserably.

"Ah," The Uchiha said, smug smirk playing across his face. "This is about Deidara." The smug look deepened, lips parting in a ferral grin. He leaned in close to the Jashinist, whispering in his ear to egg him on further, "You should have heard how he_ begged_ for more."

Hidan's eyes went wide at the comment. He knew full well that Itachi was trying to get him to lose his cool and composure. And, boy, was it working.

With a growl deep in his throat, and another attempt to kick the Uchiha prodigy off of him, succeeding this time, Hidan lunged at him, pushing into the table.

"You better watch your fucking mouth, pretty boy. Leave Deidara alone, he doesn't fucking belong to you!"

Just then, at the worst cliche' moment possible, Deidara walked in the room. A frown replacing the smile he had just been wearing as Hidan's words drifted to his ears and the sight of the two on the floor.

"I don't _belong_ to you either, Hidan, yeah." He said, catching the attention of everyone in the room. Even Itachi, who continued to watch Hidan, who was gaping at Deidara.

By now, only a couple patches on Hidan's face still needed healing. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that Deidara completely misunderstood what he meant by that statement. And now the blonde was leaving the room.

Getting off the weasle-man, Hidan followed the bomber down the hall, reaching out for his arm and grabbing hold of it to stop him. "Deidara, wait. I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it, Hidan?" Deidara shot back, turning to face the silver haired man.

Hidan opened and closed his mouth for a couple moments, not finding any excuse to use. So Deidara spoke instead.

"I am NOT a possession, Hidan. And I don't appreciate being treated like one, yeah." The blonde said calmly, the hand around his arm relaxing, but keeping a firm hold.

The Jashinist kept quiet, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. "I didn't mean..." He started, but stopped for the same reason why he didn't answer Deidara's last question; unable to find a good answer. "I'm sorry..." He said, more like muttered, for Hidan never apologized. Ever. He wasn't looking at the blonde, so when he looked up and saw the smile splayed across his face, he was more than a little confused.

"Just don't let it happen again, yeah." Deidara huffed, grinning wildly. But then, he frowned deeply with a thought. "Hidan, un."

"Yes, Dei?" Hidan asked, a little curious about the mad bombers new-found bi-polar mood.

"I'm sorry too, un. I should have told you about Itachi, yeah. But, I just couldn't, yeah..." He mumbled, looking up at Hidan with his head tilted downwards. "Do you still hate me, un?"

"Yeah, just a little." Hidan joked, earning a mock glare from Deidara.

"You're such an ass-hat, Hidan, yeah!" The blonde huffed, turning to walk to his room, leaving Hidan standing there with a smirk on his face.

"I'm glad to see you patched things up with him." Konan said as she walked up to stand next to the Jashinist.

Hidan looked down at her, surprised (almost) to see her holding out a half asleep Sai, a tired and cranky look pointed at him.

"There's my little penis cow." Hidan said, wild smile appearing on his face as he took the infant from Konan, thanked her for not killing him, and walked in the direction Deidara had left.

**COTk: Yeah, lame chapter. . . They were supposed to have a big assed fight, but. . . my lazy ass wasn't up for it. Besides, I had strayed from the path which led to the fight by one word... ONE WORD! And it completely changed the outlook of the chapter.**

**Next chapter is going to be a bit angsty and stupid as the rest of them, but it will get back to being a moderately bearable fic later on.**


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